Tag: empty nest

“If I die now, have I lived the life I wanted to?”

If an entire region can have an existential crisis, we’re having one. Spouses are being left, retirements pushed up, friends dropped. People are moving to rural spots and strengthening their faith, and those fortunate enough to have a choice are saying “no” to commuting. 

I took the above description from a teaser sent to me in my email, by the Boston Globe. I’m too cheap to get roped into yet another subscription, so I have not been able to read the rest of the article, but I did find the teaser very intriguing. What I find most interesting is that the article talks about an existential crisis and then lists all outside, material changes that people are making, in response to the internal crisis which they are feeling.

I think that the coronavirus has been very effective in helping all of us to reflect on what is truly important to us. My husband and I are no longer intrigued by experiencing living life in an urban setting. Rural settings have actually become even more appealing to us both, more than ever before. We have always sat in the middle of this city/country teeter-totter, always living in the suburbs, and we have come to truly appreciate our way of life. There is a healthy balance in the burbs. In another example, for years, our family has considered making boating part of our lifestyle, and so in lieu of a summer trip which we had planned on, we instead spent the money that we were going to spend on the vacation, on joining a boat club. This has really been a fabulous, new, exciting adventure for our family, so far. I use both of these examples (and I could find more examples) to validate the premise that situations outside of us, do have an effect on our happiness and life satisfaction levels, to a degree. Still, as Neil Gaiman said, “Wherever you go, you take yourself with you.”

I read a very interesting article that suggested that making major changes in your life, are healthy if they fall in line with your passions and your purpose. However, if you are making major changes in your life, in order to have a blank slate, or you are using the major change as a way to “escape” or to distract yourself from your current situation, these changes are bound to backfire on you.

The interesting thing about coronavirus is that it has collectively slowed down all of our every day lives to such an enormous degree, that never before, has there been a better time in life, for introspection and self exploration. But for many of us, that inside exploration is the scariest frontier that there is to investigate. We try to avoid that trip, at all costs. When all of our busy-ness, and places to be, and things to do, are whittled down to the bare minimum, we are left with me, myself and I, and for a lot us, that “me, myself and I” stuff is relatively scary, unknown territory. Perhaps we find introspection so terrifying, because we are our own worst critics and judges. Maybe our self-exploration could be best achieved, by first, taking off the proverbial robes of judges and priests, and then carefully and kindly, approaching our inner selves in the true spirit of curiosity, forgiveness and unconditional love.

The following is an excerpt from an article by Larry LeFebour, as he relates how moving across the country didn’t fix any of his existential, internal angst:

“The things that were my triggers merely traveled with me across the country. Even after moving, I still watched others around me building their lives while I felt stuck, and I still felt that I was not enough in friendships and relationships. As a result, I worked extra hard to fill those voids but didn’t feel worthy of the attention they drew to me.

For a while, I was able to avoid this truth because I distracted myself with the newness of my surroundings. I don’t discount the experiences that I had in my new home, but it’s clear to me now that my triggers would eventually resurface until I understood them better.

I now know that the better I understand, accept, and forgive myself, and stay curious, the more I can enjoy being wherever I am. Travel represents many things for me now: enjoyment, relaxation, learning, connections, and new experiences. But it is no longer the escape I once believed I needed to fix the challenges I was encountering. The better I know myself and the more authentic I am, the more I can enjoy being wherever I may roam.”

Let’s take an adventure inward, today, friends. Monday is a good day to do this. It is a free and fascinating experience. Carve out some time for this exploit of going into seldom seen territory. Just be sure to allow yourself to just experience the experience of inner exploration, with an open heart and an open mind, just like you would do when visiting or exploring a new town, or a new church or an amusement ride you have never ridden. Enjoy the anticipation and the wonder! Be patient and loving and inquisitive without judgment, like you would be with a child. I am willing to bet that our own inner explorations, which we allow ourselves to have, even while the outside world is seemingly falling apart, will leave the most lasting, life changing impressions on us, after all of this turmoil passes by. If we do this self exploration thing right, and really get to know our authentic inner selves, we will be much better equipped to handle anything that the outside, material world brings our way, now and in the future. With our newly deepened inner knowledge and wisdom, it is inevitable that our individual lives will become richer and more stimulating and more fascinating and more satiating, than ever before. With pure inner knowledge, the choices that we make for our sensual lives, and our material worlds, will be made on the basis of passion and purpose and intuition, and thus, our whole lives (inner and outer in harmony) will be more fulfilling than we could have ever imagined.