Tag: empty nest

Soul Sunday

Hello to my beautiful, soulmates! On Sundays, we do poetry here at Adulting – Second Half. I write a poem or I share a poem by another poet and I strongly encourage you to share your poems in my Comments section. Sometimes sharing our poems, feels very vulnerable, because sometimes our poems bare our souls. Today, I am feeling light and silly and so my poem for today, reflects that mood. Poems are indeed good mirrors of our inner lives. If you find that you can’t journal every day, try jotting down a daily poem, even just a couple of lines. This practice will tell you a lot about yourself.

As I age, I look for role models, as I have done in every stage of my life. I look at people who seem to age well, and I wonder how to emulate their ability to age so healthfully, and so comfortably and delightfully. Betty White, Iris Apfel, and our neighbor Dave, are all people well past eighty, who look amazing, and still seem to buzz with energy and life, sometimes even more so than their younger peers.

To give you a glimpse of how my curious mind works, and how I even got to writing this particular blog post, I’ll let you know where it started. On Twitter this morning, someone posted a picture of Nat King Cole and his wife, Maria Cole. I found the picture of Maria to be absolutely stunning, so naturally, I looked up more information about her. Maria was also a talented musician, and she raised five children with Nat, until his early death in 1965. Maria went on to live until she was 89 years old. What initially struck me about Maria Cole’s picture, was her huge, radiant smile. It was a constant in almost all of her pictures.

My son once played on a team with another boy whose mother is striking. Granted, this woman is a natural beauty. She is probably about a decade older than me, but she seems to have almost a regality about her. I could never put my finger on why I found her to be so particularly stunning, in a sea of attractive soccer moms, to stand out like she did. Then one day, it occurred to me. Every time that I saw her, she was smiling. She is always smiling. She has a huge smile that is shown in every part of her being and it radiates. I remember thinking that you don’t need plastic surgery or vitamin infusions to remain lovely, as you age. Smiling does so much for anyone, even at the surface level of good looks.

With that being said, here is my poem for today:

The Prescription for Aging Beautifully

If you wish to live a long and happy life,

Peaceful, tranquil, with very little strife,

If a healthy centenarian, is what you wish to be,

With eyes which sparkle with wisdom, mischief and glee,

I have the magic potion, the elixir, the recipe.

Wait for it.

Here it is:

Smile. A lot. Every Single Day.

Just smile, smile, smile the day away.

Smile. 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

Science has just uncovered another benefit of a happy face. People who have big smiles live longer. (The Dallas Morning News)

One study found that just one smile can give you the immediate happiness of eating 2,000 bars of chocolate — without the stomachache. (Advent Health)

New research finds happier people live longer, on average, while angry ones are more likely to die early. (Pacific Standard)

A study from London University College stated that happy, cheerful people are 35% more likely to live longer. Smiling lowers the heart rate and reduces blood pressure, while relaxing your body. (RiverTea)

The study in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found that people who had higher levels of optimism had a longer life span. They also had a greater chance of living past age 85. (Harvard Medical School)

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Bonus Fries

On Fridays, my regular readers know that I like to list favorites of mine, for you all to try and to, hopefully, enjoy as well. This morning, I am going to give you a couple of extra “favorite things” (or “bonus fries” as Jim Gaffigan calls the extra French fries at the bottom of the paper bag) because these new favorites are too good to wait until Friday!

I mentioned John Prine’s music a few weeks ago in the blog. Last night, my husband and I were cooking and laughing and dancing to this song. I hope that we repeat the fun tonight:

Yesterday, I also started reading an excellent book called Life Is Good: The Book, written by the Jacobs brothers, two handsome redheaded men from Boston. (I have a soft spot for redheaded brothers. My two eldest sons are handsome gingers.) The book is the backstory to the brothers founding the 100 million dollar clothing company, most recognized by the Life Is Good t-shirts. (I was wearing one of my Life Is Good t-shirts yesterday and I got curious about the founders. Curiosity is good. It makes life interesting . . . . and good). Basically the Jacobs brothers started their t-shirt company with a van, 78 dollars total between them, and a vision to spread more optimism to people all around the world. The coolest thing about the Life Is Good company is that it gives ten percent of the profits every year, to children’s charities. The Jacobs brothers believe that we have the most to learn from children, as they help us to remain open. I think Jesus said something about that one time, too.

“Life is not easy. Life is not perfect. Life is good.” – The Jacobs brothers

In order to stay open, the Life Is Good book suggests this: “The next time you sit down with a child, imagine the child is your teacher. Let her tell you about the drawing or the toy, or where the story goes next. Let her show you her view of the world, in her own words. Follow her lead. Be willing to be silly, and let go of trying to direct the kid. You ask the “Whys?” and discover the world as she directs the kid in you.”

He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. 3 And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. – Matthew 18:2-4

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Trippy Friday

Hello friends and readers!!! Welcome to the most fabulous day of the week!! Isn’t it wonderful?! On Fridays, we try to keep things light and fun here at Adulting – Second Half. On Fridays, also called Favorite Things Friday, I typically list three favorite things, whether they be products, or songs, or TV shows, or books, etc. Please add your favorites to my Comments section. Reality is, we live in a material world, and we should enjoy our things and experiences!!! Tonight, despite the mixed reviews that it is getting, I am very excited to watch the movie, Coming to America 2. Eddie Murphy finally made a sequel to his iconic Coming to America, which first came out in 1988! You can view the sequel starting today on Amazon Prime Video. Also, please note that the above meme was created by my favorite (and only) daughter, featuring one of our favorite dogs, our Boykin spaniel, Trip, whose look lives up to his name.

Today’s favorites:

Nonpareils candy – I bought a bag of nonpareils at The Fresh Market the other day and I got transported to Heaven. I bought them for nostalgia’s sake, and plus, they were beautiful pastel Easter colors, so I decided that I had to have them, thinking that the nonpareils would look lovely in a candy dish, for the upcoming spring season. Ha! I practically ate the whole bag of them on the way home from the store. I looked up the meaning of the French word “nonpareil”, and not surprisingly, it means “having no equal.” What are the nonpareils in your life besides your beloved family, friends and pets? Are you on the list of your nonpareils? You should be.

Word Genius emails – Speaking of word meanings, you probably have figured out by now that I love the written word. I also love things that make me feel smart. Every day I get a Word Genius email with a word and a multiple choice question, as to the word’s meaning. More often than not, I get the word’s meaning correct and even if I don’t get the answer right, I learn a new word, or I am reminded of a wonderful word that I had forgotten about and need to bring back into my vernacular. The other day, the Word Genius word was “Hinterland” which means unchartered territory. I thought to myself, “There is a blog post related to this word. Being an almost empty-nester is certainly entering into Hinterland.”

Reclaimed Wood furniture – My husband is reclaiming one of our bedrooms as a home office. By the time we are done setting the home office up, it will be time for him to return to his real office downtown, but still . . . . . . My husband has always fallen in love with reclaimed wood pieces which we have seen in various local, funky bars and eateries, so we went on a search to find him the perfect reclaimed wood desk. And we found it!! Friends, there is a whole other blog post story (which I will save for a later date), fully explaining how we found this gorgeous, one of kind piece. I am completely and totally in love with this piece of furniture. Sometimes, I just wander in and gaze at it. Nothing is more beautiful than nature, and nothing is more impressive than a devoted, passionate craftsman/artist who can coax out the natural beauty of the deepest center of a piece of wood, forcing you to pay awestruck attention to its divine, ravishing, unique qualities. Each layer of a tree trunk tells, a story right?? This desk tells an intimate story without using any words. Here it is:

Enjoy your weekend, my dear friends!! See you tomorrow!!

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Jimmy V

I saw this journal in a store the other day. I love what Jim Valvano (Coach Jimmy V) had to say. This is a quote from his moving ESPY Awards speech, accepting the Arthur Ashe Award that he received for creating the V Foundation for Cancer Research. The foundation’s motto is “Don’t Give Up . . . Don’t Ever Give Up.”

This famous speech ended with these words from Jim Valvano: “Cancer can take away all of my physical abilities. It cannot touch my mind, it cannot touch my heart, and it cannot touch my soul. And those three things are going to carry on forever. I thank you and God bless you all.” He received a standing ovation. Jimmy V died about two months after making this speech.

These words, coming from the deepest part of Jimmy’s mind, heart and soul, live on forever, and continue to inspire anyone who comes across them . . . . even on the covers of leather journals found in off-the-beaten path, tiny boutiques.

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

It’s That Simple

I ripped some pages out of some past issues of Real Simple magazine lately that reminded me of my childhood. One reader, named Anna Polisann, wrote in to the editor, that she now realized that her mom had trained her for 2020, when as a child, her mother told her, “Go find something to do! Learn to enjoy your own company.“

I think that my generation and older generations before mine, often got those same marching orders, many, many times, from our parents. The younger generations seem to have a lot more structured time. Oftentimes, as I was driving my kids from one practice, to another scheduled playdate, to another lesson of some sort, I would question the sanity of what I was doing. It didn’t seem right to keep them, (nor all of us, really) so scheduled up. I remember rationalizing that even though I didn’t necessarily agree with this direction of more structured childhoods, if I didn’t do it, my children would be left in the dust. And unfortunately that was often true. Most of the sports teams in our children’s schools were filled with the kids who had spent their childhoods on travel sports teams, or with intense private instruction. Many kids were taking college level courses, sometimes starting in middle school. I still question if all of the pressures that this way of life brings on to kids is healthy. I really don’t think that over-structuring our children is necessarily good, but at the same time, when comparing generations, we are never comparing apples to apples. I didn’t grow up with a home computer and a cell phone. My parents remember getting their first TVs. Each generation of children experiences a vastly different world, if we really consider how fast things change in technology, and in society.

Still, I am happy that I received the “enjoy your own company” lesson. Frankly, I really enjoy my own company. I’m at my crankiest when I don’t get enough time to just be with myself. Ironically, this pandemic situation, while making many people feel “lonely”, actually robbed me of some my alone time and peaceful solitude. At this time last year, my three youngest children all started studying from home, and my daughter still studies at home. My husband has been working from home, for the first time in his career, since last spring, too. It has been adjustment for me, to share the house during the day. When more people are in any one area, the energy is more aroused. I notice this, even in my dogs’ behavior. Energy feeds off of other energy, keeping things more abuzz. I have learned to take rides in my car, or walks out in nature, to soothe my nerves, when the electric energy around me, is just too much.

Another reader in Real Simple answered the question, “What is your favorite book to give as a gift?” Jennifer Waller answered, “Betty Crocker Cookbook or The Martha Stewart Cookbook. I’ve had both for years and still refer to them. There is something comforting about pages with butter splotches and sugar crumbs in the spine.“

I loved Ms. Waller’s last line. Isn’t that the truth? Getting back to the idea of how quickly life is changing all around us, there is a huge amount of comfort in the things that stay the same. Every cookbook, that is worth its weight in gold, has a few grease stains and crumbs to dust off. And that is true for every generation of people still alive on this Earth. I hope that this “well-worn, classic cookbook fact” remains to be a fact of life that never, ever changes. There is great comfort in the classic things in life, which stand the test of time. These things become the steady rocks that we cling to, as reminders that there is still some stability and constants to carry with us, in an otherwise, sometimes seemingly chaotic, frenetic, quickly changing world.

Awesome Love Stands the Test Of Time Quotes | Love quotes collection within HD images

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Meditation Musèe

I’ve mentioned that I see my blog as a “museum of thought.” Today’s exhibit is a sampling of a collection which I have been curating in one of my many journals and notebooks. I strongly encourage you to curate your own thought collections. They are inexpensive to amass, easy to keep, and yet, they quickly become invaluable to you – easily among your most prized possessions. Your thought museums give you more of an inroads to yourself. They help you to see what truly resonates with the truest part of your own self.

What would you call your own thought museum? The Musings Menagerie? The Socratic Salon? The Gallery of Inward Gospel? The Phantasmagoria of Philosophy? (Hint: you can have more than one thought museum. All it takes is a pen, a journal, an open mind, and the insatiable desire to read, and to learn, and to understand, and the desire and ability to be awestruck with delight.) Here is today’s exhibit from my Meditation Musèe ( a beautiful, well-worn, pink and gold, leather-bound journal, with the international symbol for hospitality, the pineapple, embossed all over it. At this point in time, this particular thought museum is about half full. What I love about my thought museums is that mask wearing is not required to enjoy perusing them.) A sampling:

“Your failures are nothing more than research and development.” – Dean Graziosi

“I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.” – George Carlin

“A standard is a yes. A boundary is a no.” – Thomas Leonard

(Edit: One of my dear and loyal readers, Kelly, asked me for further explanation on this quote. I answered her in the Comments section, but I decided to put my interpretation here, as well: When you set standards for yourself, you are saying this is what I want, and what I expect out of a relationship or a job or an experience. You are saying “yes” to what you want from something in your life. A standard describes what IS acceptable to you. A boundary says “no”. It says these are lines that you cannot cross with me in any situation. Remember both standards and boundaries are for YOU, and for your life. Others don’t have to share the same standards and boundaries as you have set for yourself, but if they don’t fit into your standards, nor do they respect your boundaries, they (person, job, experience, etc.) probably aren’t a good fit for space in your life.)

“Participate in the night leaving, participate in the evening coming, participate in the stars, and participate in the clouds; make participation your lifestyle and the whole of existence becomes such a joy, such an ecstasy. You could not have dreamed of a better universe.” – Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

“You come any closer, I’ll turn you into poetry.” – Umi, Twitter

“Do not confuse character with ego. Character is like an iceberg. It’s massive, solid and unmovable. The Titanic will sink before an iceberg even notices its been hit. Most of the iceberg mass (around 90%) is under the waterline. Those with big character do not usually need to show off. The 10% that people see is impressive enough. When critics shoot arrows into character, very little happens. It’s possible the arrow could chip the ice, but more than likely it bounces off and falls into the water.

Ego, on the other hand, is inflatable. It’s made by the hot air of its owner’s breath. It’s pumped up with talk and can be brought down with the slightest pinhole of truth. When critics shoot arrows into the ego, the ego-owner huffs and puffs to compensate. The ego looks everywhere for more hot air attachments – any blower will do.” – Holiday Mathis

I hope that this sampling has inspired you to start and/or to continue with your own collections. Remember to only keep in your galleries, what completely resonates with you. Thereby, your museum collection will be as incredibly interesting and unique as you are – truly a one-of-a-kind spot on Earth!! You will notice your own evolution as you look back at all that you have collected, throughout your experiences and times in your life. You may certainly have any of the above samplings for your own thought museum. In this world of thought/ideas/philosophies/musings, as long as credit is given to the proper creator, exhibits on loan are highly encouraged!! Like love, the more often thought creations are shared, the more their resonance multiplies!!

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday Fun-Day

Image

Hi friends! Happy March! And another important animal reference, I give to you: Rabbit Rabbit Rabbit.

I just have a couple of random tidbits for you today. I am a tad scattered and frazzled on Mondays, as you well know by now.

First of all, on my Nextdoor website, a woman posted a picture of a snake found in her garage, asking neighbors if it was poisonous or not. It turned out not to be a dangerous snake (thank goodness), but a snarky grammarian neighbor, made it clear that no snakes are poisonous, unless you eat them. Snakes are either venomous or non-venomous. Don’t you feel smarter now? Also, in case you haven’t heard this tip before, if a snake’s head looks like the end of your pinky and kind of just flows with the rest of its body, it is probably non-venomous. Venomous snakes generally have triangular or diamond shaped heads that stand out from the rest of their bodies.

Next, I’ve mentioned before that our big, ol’ goofy Labrador retriever, Ralphie, has taught himself to play our piano with his chin. (Ralphie teaches himself a lot of tricks such as turning on and off light switches, turning off the Roomba (he really doesn’t care for the Roomba’s noisiness and intrusion), opening and closing the X-Box and diving for his toys at the bottom of the deep end of the pool. As my son says, Ralphie is always on a mission.) Anyway, on Saturday, my husband announced the details of a depressing news story to me, as I was writing my blog. I exasperatedly said to my husband, “Now why would you tell me that?! You know that just upsets me.” And then, in that moment, as if on cue, Ralphie took his chin and played “Dun dun, duhhhhhhh!” on the lower keys of the piano. I wish so badly that I had this moment on video. It would be viral right now.

Finally, if you are forgetting that your life is full of unbelievable miracles, take a couple of dollars and buy a package of teeny, weeny seeds. Within weeks of planting a package of radish seeds, look at my husband’s harvest:

In life, a lot of bounty can come from seemingly nothing. Know this. Believe this. Put your energy into the good stuff and watch the miracles grow!!! Have a miraculous week!

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Good morning, friends. I think that I will call you “soulmates” on Sundays. Good morning, soulmates. Sundays are usually the most popular day here on the blog. I love that you all are open to poetry. I love that you have helped me to rediscover the poet in me. I hope that you have also discovered (or rediscovered) the poet, in you, as well. Sundays are devoted to the emotional, sometimes non-sensical, mysterious spillage of words called poetry. Please explore the poem which I have written for today, and please also, feel comfortable and safe to share your poems in my Comments section. It has been wonderful sharing this moment with you on this lovely, tranquil day, my beloved soulmates. I look forward to many more connecting moments with you. Peace.

Keeper of the Words

Sometimes the words spill out of me and I can’t contain them.

Depending on how forceful and projectile the emotion is behind them,

The words scramble desperately to find their way on to the screen,

quicker than I can type them into visual form.

Sometimes the words slide out of me and surprise me,

I had no inner rumination of their simmering pot in my conscience.

The words leave me, before I even knew that they were with me.

Sometimes I have no words. I have nothing to write.

Nothing. My inner cache is empty. And that is okay.

When I have nothing to write, it clears the space,

Until the words accumulate again, to fill the void,

As they always do.

The words don’t require my participation,

They only ask for the keys to release them.

When the pressure mounts and the time is ripe,

I generously allow the words to flow out.

I am not the jailer of the words,

I am only their keeper.

Jailers suffocate and diminish and intimidate,

Keepers nurture and protect and trust in growth,

And further, keepers innately know when it is time,

to let their beloved charges fly free.

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Magic Wand Lesson

As the final part of his undergraduate study, before he starts medical school in the fall, my son is shadowing a doctor this semester. The doctor he is working for is a physiatrist. A physiatrist is a medical doctor who works on reducing a patient’s pain, and then moving the patient towards full rehabilitation, of total health and function, after a major injury or illness. A physiatrist uses all sources of tools in the medical arsenal such as medications, physical therapy and other healing modalities. My son has been learning so much from this wonderful man, and we look forward to my son’s interesting stories from his internship, every single week.

On an aside, my family loves to laugh. We crack a lot of jokes. My eldest son is very animated, expressive and self-deprecating. His imitations are hilarious. My youngest son is a natural clown and comedian. He has expressed the desire to give stand-up a go, more than once in his life. My daughter’s friends always tell her how much they love how funny she is, as anecdotes on her birthday cards and such. My middle son (the one working with the physiatrist) has a very dry sense of humor. He is more often the instigator, the one to get the more rowdy others around him going, and then sitting back, and enjoying the mayhem. So, one of my favorite things in life, is watching my middle son tell a story, without even realizing that the way he is telling the story is quite amusing, and then, everybody getting a big laugh out of the story. This roar of laughter and amusement always seems to take my middle son by surprise, realizing that his story is so enjoyable, and he gets this cute, little boy, slightly embarrassed grin on him. His big, brown eyes sparkle, and it is like seeing a glimpse of my adorable, mischievous, little three-year-old baby boy again. Our children don’t realize how many versions of them that we hold and that we safekeep in our minds, and in our hearts. They have only known us as adults, but we get to experience their blossoming and progression, from the very start.

Getting back on track to my story (please forgive my sentimental rambling): This week’s lesson from my middle son’s work with the physiatrist was “the magic wand” lesson. The patient who needed “the magic wand”, had come to the physiatrist for help. This patient was a tad “scattered.” He had many, many stories of many, many horrific accidents and harrowing incidents, from throughout his whole life. His companion was his elderly mother, who sat patiently, nodding her head beside her son, only occasionally adding, “Yep, that’s true. Umm-hmm,” to each of his accountings of all of the unimaginable incidents and ordeals in his life that had lead up to his debilitating physical pain, which seemed to be in every part of his body. In short, he was an interesting, but longwinded character, who was emanating pain, all over and needed some relief. My middle son says that the physiatrist says that these are the types of patients who you must help to focus. With these patients you must ask the question, “If I had a magic wand and could fix just one element of your pain, what would I fix?” My son said that the patient looked instantly relieved and relaxed, and pointed to one spot on his lower back.

After hearing the “magic wand” lesson, I thought to myself how helpful that question can be for any of us, at any time, and it doesn’t have to be related to physical pain. What about those days in life when you feel like you have 800 things going on at once and you don’t even know where to start? If I had a magic wand, and I could have just one of these tasks completed, which task would it be? This magic wand question/trick immediately helps you to calm your mind, and to focus in on your highest priorities and values. What about times in your life where you feel you could use some self-improvement, with healthier habits, in order to lose weight or to have more energy? A lot of times we get so overwhelmed with everything that we think that we have to do, and change, and improve in our lives, that we tend to get frustrated, and then, we end up giving up on all of it. If I had a magic wand and I could just change just one element of my daily habits, what would that be? This question really helps to hone in on what is really the most pressing and urgent, out of all our concerns. And once we have mastered and healed the particular area of our life, and of our health, and of our daily chores and routines, that the magic wand has helped point us to, we can use the trick again, to point us towards our next priority. Perhaps, magic wands are not pretend after all. Perhaps, magic wands are really quite magical, indeed.

Thomas J. Leonard | Dream quotes, The witches of oz, Magic wand

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

I Remember Every Friday

Good morning, friends. Friday is here! The best day of the week is here! On Fridays, I keep it light. On Fridays, I discuss stuff – products, TV shows, movies, books, songs, etc. I typically discuss three things that have made my own life’s journey, a little more interesting and fun. I strongly encourage you to add your favorites to my Comments section, so that we all have some delectable, new choices to try out this weekend. Here are my favorites for today:

Tarpon Tervis Tumbler – We all know that Tervis Tumblers are amazing quality and come in a huge variety of patterns and sizes. I purchased this Tarpon Tervis as one of my Valentine treats, for my husband. It looks like it is a baby tarpon. The “scales” on the tumbler are beautiful. This is a perfect gift for the fisher-people in your life. It is great for them to use on the days that they are fishing, and also to use on the days that they wish that they were fishing. Check out the Redfish Tumbler, as well. Both of these quality, beautiful tumblers are available on Amazon.

I Care A Lot (Netflix) – This movie is an attention-keeping (even comical, at times) thriller and refreshingly different than most movies that I have watched lately. Most of the characters in I Care A Lot are deplorable and evil, but the twists and turns in the plotline, are amazing. The main character is a complete sociopath, the kind you love to hate. Warning: Don’t turn the movie off until the very end, or you may not be able to sleep at night. (On an aside, the main character is a woman with a severely cut, perfect, razor sharp, bobbed hair style. She wears it with a perfectly symmetrical, middle part. I recently read that if you are a woman who wants to look young and hip, wear a middle part in your hair. I have never worn a middle part in my hair, in my entire life, so that is a non-starter for me, but if you can pull it off, it is something to consider.)

John Prine – I read something that said that John Prine’s music is the perfect music to play in the background when you are doing your daily chores like cooking or folding laundry. John Prine’s music is acoustic, mellow, quietly sentimental, and just plain lovely. It was a wonderful recommendation. Start with his “I Remember Everything.” (and make this weekend a memorable one!!! See you tomorrow.)

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.