Trunks Up Friday

Female elephants continuously protect each other from predators in the wild, providing one another a sense of security. A study conducted by scientists in the Indian Institute of Science, Bengaluru, revealed that stress in an adult female elephant decreased with the number of female elephants in their herd.” – Wildlife SOS

In the wild, female elephants are known as fierce protectors. And when one of their sisters is suffering, they circle up around her. They close in tight, watch guard, and even kick dust around her to mask her vulnerable scent from predators. And yet, we are the same. This is who we are, and who we are meant to be for each other. Sometimes we’re the ones in the middle. Sometimes we’re the ones kicking up dust with fierce, fierce love.

But the circle remains.” – Festive Farm Co.

I’ve shared this information about elephants on the blog before. (Age breeds repetitiveness.) My closest friends from college and I have taken this information about elephants to heart, and we own the same elephant charms which we wear often to remind ourselves that we are there for each other, and that we have each other’s backs. I’ve also shared my love for the Sheldrick Wildlife Trust, which is an organization in Africa that cares for orphaned baby elephants until they are ready to be released into the wild again. Whenever I feel stressed or I feel a need to escape from all of the devastating news from around the world, I spend some time on the Sheldrick Wildlife Trust‘s website and I revel in the uplifting, courageous stories of their orphaned animals and their keepers, stemming from a beautiful, distant land.

I am bringing all of this up again, because my favorite for today is the Field Notes from the Sheldrick Wildlife Trust which is a monthly newsletter emailed to me at the first of every month. It is beautifully written by Angela Sheldrick whose mother founded the Sheldrick Wildlife Trust, and today’s offering was particularly poignant and beautiful. Angela entitled it “The Power of Love” and she talks about what makes for an excellent “keeper” of baby elephants. Here are some excerpts:

“In this month’s Field Notes, I wanted to delve into the ‘secret ingredient’ that it takes to successfully raise these extraordinary, complicated little creatures. . . .  Daphne (founder) realised that infant orphaned elephants didn’t just need the essentials. Shelter, sustenance, veterinary care — all these things were vital, but their psychological well-being hinged on much deeper, more nuanced care. . . . . As a steady succession of new rescues came into our care, it also became clear that raising infant orphaned elephants wasn’t a one-person job.  It was critical that orphans didn’t become overly dependent on any single individual — and equally, the task was too great for one person to shoulder alone. As our orphan herd grew, the role of Keepers became increasingly important. Today, we have more than 50 Keepers working across our five orphan units. . . . .    Instead of recruiting Keepers from one specific tribe or locality, we hire from across Kenya. Our logic is that each person, with their diverse background, opens a whole new dimension to the role. This strategy has the added bonus of fostering conservation awareness across the country. Keepers become vital ambassadors within their own communities. Over the years, many orphans have been saved by ordinary people who developed empathy for elephants through a Keeper who is a father, uncle, friend, or neighbour. . . . .

Elephants have a way of distilling a person to their purest form. Our orphans are quick to identify the ‘X factor’ that makes an excellent Keeper, which is why we ultimately put recruitment in their capable hands. New candidates join the orphan herd on a trial basis, and if they are embraced by the elephants, they are hired as a full-time Keeper. 

We call it the ‘X factor’, but to assign an all-encompassing human trait, it would be empathy. People who succeed with orphaned elephants are pure of heart, graced with a quiet confidence and unfaltering dedication.  . . . .People who possess these qualities are one in a million — yet, miraculously, they continue to find their way into our orbit . . . .”

Please read more about the Sheldrick Wildlife Trust at their website:

https://www.sheldrickwildlifetrust.org/

I highly recommend signing up for Angela’s field notes. I’m always excited to see them in my email’s inbox. Further, isn’t this a wonderful time of year to reflect on your own herd(s). Who are those strong females in your own life who have kicked up the dirt around you when you were feeling vulnerable? How about your keepers? Who in your life has that “X-factor” that helps distill you back to your own purest form (simply, love)? Who in your life has shown pureness of heart, quiet confidence, and unfaltering dedication to you? Who are your “one-in-your-millions”? Are you one of these precious keepers for others in your life, and also, importantly, for yourself?

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Lighten the Load

I’m a spongy person. I have the tendency to feel and to absorb everybody else’s emotions besides just my own. (I think this is very common in us mom-types) Yesterday was a doozy for my sponginess. It seemed so many of my loved ones were having big ups and downs, and I got on that roller coaster with them. My husband was hangry (hungry and thus, angry), my son was deeply disappointed over a test grade, my daughter was over-the-moon excited about finding her college roommate, and my sister was distraught. And I gathered that whole mix of other people’s emotion into my body, and stirred it up and I let it stew. And that’s on me.

I know that I have this tendency to take on other people’s emotions. And while it seems “nice” and full of empathy, it honestly isn’t helpful for any of us. Two frenzied worked-up people equals a lot more chaos than just one upset person. Nothing is getting solved and no one is being helped. And in the end, taking on too many swirling emotions, on top of your own mix of emotions, can lead to fatigue, resentment and even sickness.

I’ve learned a lot about noticing this phenomenon with our three dogs. When one of our dogs gets worked up, before you know it, all three have “caught” the excitement and they all end up in a hyperactive tiz. The only way to calm this situation in a hurry, is to become calm and quiet and centered myself. Dogs understand and relate to and respond to this peaceful, confident energy. Our trainer told us that our sweet, gentle collie is the leader of our pack of three dogs, and it is not because she is big (Ralphie is bigger) or because she is the only female. It is because Josie has the calmest, most centered energy of the three of them.

It helps to have the self-awareness to know that I have this tendency to take other people’s feelings on. It helps me to notice when I am falling into this habit. This is when I take a deep breath in order to ground myself. Then, I can remind myself that this feeling is not actually my own feeling, and whatever strong emotions my loved ones are feeling, these feelings will pass, just like mine do, on a regular basis. It is also my job to put boundaries on any conversations or situations that I am finding to be taxing, upsetting or draining. I have the right to stop a conversation, or to keep it to texts, or to keep it to a certain time limit. When I bring a calm reassurance that my people will be able to handle whatever they are dealing with, this is what is most helpful to all of us. Getting overly involved in other people’s issues may mean that I am avoiding or not spending enough time on my own matters of business, problems and dreams. My life, my feelings, and my actions are my responsibility. Others carry that same responsibility for their feelings, their own actions, and their individual lives. By tending to my “own stuff”, I take that burden of worry from other people, and I can inspire them by example to know that they are fully capable of taking care of their “own stuff”, too.

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Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.