Tag: Diane von Furstenberg

I Love Me

I’m sorry that I’m delayed with my post this morning, but I was having a lot of fun with one of my most favorite people in the whole wide world. We spent some time outside with my dogs in the nice, cooler weather. We lit candles all around the house, did some reading, and even attempted a few chores. We contemplated different things that we could do this weekend that sounded interesting and unique, and we did a little meditation on recent happenings. We watered some of my plants and kind of just dibbled-dabbled around. Who is this adored companion I am talking about? Myself.

“The most important relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself. Because no matter what happens, you will always be with yourself.” – Diane Von Furstenberg

I love being with myself. I also adore being with my husband, and my kids and my family and my friends. I look forward to a Family FaceTime tonight, and I had a wonderful time socializing in my art class yesterday with our brilliant, inspiring instructor and the other interesting students. But honestly, I couldn’t wait to have this wonderful day to be just with myself.

Now this may seem arrogant to some people. But stop and ponder why this should be. Shouldn’t you love your own companionship? Shouldn’t you be as kind and nurturing and accepting of yourself as you are to anyone else in this world? Shouldn’t you encourage yourself to explore your own unique interests without judgments or interruptions? Shouldn’t you give yourself some rapt attention and be delighted by what you discover? There is no escaping yourself, ever, so shouldn’t you make yourself, the most wonderful, delightful person to be with in your own one life?

If you don’t like being by yourself, ask yourself why. Are you kind to yourself? Are you nurturing to yourself? Or are you just harsh and full of inner criticisms? Are you constantly seeking “to find yourself” in your outside roles, or your appearances, and/or from approval and accolades from others? Why would you give your power away like that, to things that are so fickle and meaningless? Your image is just a reflection, and that reflection changes with whomever is peering at you with their own skewed lenses of perspective. When you are with just yourself, do you try to escape from yourself with food or drink or constant scrolling or endless TV shows or phone calls? We all need some escapism, but if you are always trying to escape from yourself, ask yourself why.

What does a perfect date with yourself look like? What does that include? When we are married people, we are told to keep regular “date nights” in order to keep things fresh, and interesting, and enlivening, and to use these date nights to give undivided attention to each other and to our relationship. Are you scheduling enough date nights with yourself? It is time to make sure that your calendar has some space for the most important person in your life – you. If you still think that this sounds selfish and arrogant, try it as an experiment. For the rest of the year, make sure you have at least one date with just yourself, at least once a week. I am certain that you will find that if you regularly nurture your own relationship with yourself, all of your other relationships will be better and more fulfilling than ever because they won’t be needy, hungry transactions, but instead you will be mutually sharing the beautiful, overwhelming joy and understanding of what it is to be alive, experiencing a miraculous lifetime on this Earth.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Why Shouldn’t You Love Yourself?

I love the voice of the singer Norah Jones.  I played her Come Away With Me album so much, I fear that I may have turned the rest of my family off to her.  But I think Norah Jones has one of the most gorgeous, soothing, silvery singing voices I have ever heard.  The other day I was listening to her sing the remake of the Hank Williams song, “How Many Times Have You Broken My Heart?”  It is a great remake and an easy song to sing along to, but then I got to thinking about the lyrics.  We are supposed to feel sorry for the singer who has repeatedly been hurt by a straying lover.  And you can’t help but feel sorry for the singer, to a point . . . . . . Then, after a while, if you were a good, true, honest friend to the singer, you would probably have to say, “Stop being a victim.  Stop being complicit in your own pain.  Take back your power.  Love yourself.”

That may sound harsh, but it is true.  When we stay in victim mode, we give away our power.  When we stay with repeatedly abusive people and unchanging abusive situations, we start to fall into the realm of self-abuse.  All abuse is wrong.  Self-abuse is abuse.  Accepting abuse is self-abuse.  Again, all abuse is wrong.

We’ve been conditioned to love others, take care of others and to be “selfless.”  But the truth is, we can’t give our best love to others without truly loving ourselves first.  Hurting people hurt people.

“If the nasty voices in conditioned mind are allowed to be cruel to us, it will follow as the night, the day, that we will be cruel to others.  That’s just the way it is.  We can’t be with anyone else in ways that we are not with ourselves.” – Cheri Huber

I was discussing the above quote with friends and a few of them didn’t agree with it.  They felt that they could be loving and kind to others and still be incredibly harsh to themselves.  And that may be true to a point, but if you are unfailingly loving to yourself wouldn’t it all but guarantee that you would only know love as a way of being?  If your only way of being is the the way of love, then it follows that it wouldn’t be possible to be anything but loving to yourself and to others.  Why should loving yourself not be a part of the equation?

“The most important relationship in life is the one you have with yourself.  And if you have that, any other relationship is a plus and not a must.” – Diane von Furstenberg

If you learn to love yourself the way that you want to be loved, you are fulfilled.  In that sense, when you enter into any relationship you are bringing a fulfilled, whole person into the partnership or friendship or relation.  There is not neediness or expectation, just the joy of shared love, commonalities and experiences.  In healthy relationships you are enhancing each other’s lives, bringing fullness and excitement and mutual interest to each other’s experiences.  But you are not dependent on the other person to create that fullness, excitement, and interest.  You are multiplying it together.

Charlie Chaplin said, “As I began to love myself, I freed myself of anything that is not good for my health- food, people, things, situations and everything that drew me down and away from myself.  At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism.  Today I know it is Love of Oneself.”