“Trauma breaks you into pieces. Healing teaches you broken crayons still color.” – Inner Practioner
I don’t think there is anyone on Earth, who can say that this coronavirus situation hasn’t caused them any amount of pain and trauma. If there is such a person, they are either in deep denial, or a complete sociopath. Even if your own life has been relatively unaffected, it still breaks one’s heart to see the news stories of others who have lost loved ones, to this disease.
So with the assumption that my readers are people of feelings and empathy, I am going to go with the idea that we all have suffered some amount of trauma, concerning the coronavirus. It’s okay to admit that you have undergone some trauma. In fact, the only way to heal from any kind of trauma, is to admit to yourself, that it actually happened in the first place. That is usually the hardest part. If you keep trying to artificially scab over, or put a band-aid on a festering wound, it won’t heal properly. You’ve got to dig deep into the wound, pull out all the growing infection, and administer the correct daily medicine, for the pain to properly heal. This is what allows the trauma to be a thing (or a scar) of the past, and not an ongoing, unconscious driver that negatively affects elements of your every day life and relationships.
I think that the reason why a lot of people choose denial, versus dealing with their trauma, is two-fold. First, people think that it is strong to gut through situations, keeping a stiff upper lip. Somewhere along the way, we got the strange notion that admitting that you have a problem, makes you weak. How messed up is that! It is the opposite of strength, to stay in denial about a situation that has caused you pain. Still, we often choose to stay in denial because we fear that if we squarely face everything about how a certain trauma has affected us, we are afraid that we will fall apart at the seams, and stay stuck forever. And that is the second reason, why we keep our traumas, unfortunately, all bottled up.
When we finally get brave enough to look at our traumas honestly, and with sincere acceptance, that is when the real strength and healing begins. That is when we fully understand that broken crayons are still able to make the same vivid colors and artwork that they did before. And you know what else? Typically broken crayons end up being stronger than when they were whole. They aren’t as fragile. It is much harder to break a small piece of a crayon, than a long, elegant, fresh crayon, just coming out of the box. Also broken crayons recognize themselves in the other broken pieces, and that is where the truest compassion arises, giving the artwork of life, an even deeper depth of color, and meaning, and emotion, and joint, mass strength.
What’s a little broken in you, since the pandemic started? Has the pandemic triggered old, unhealed traumas in you? Have you allowed yourself to shed some cleansing tears? Have you reached out to others for support? Have you allowed yourself to be a little broken, realizing that even the most “perfect crayons” have little imperfections and will wear down a little bit, over the years? (Remember that the shrinking down of a crayon, comes from love and use, over the years. Everyone knows the favorite crayon in the box. It is the one crayon that is barely there, from being so useful and loved so much. It’s the “Velveteen Rabbit” of crayons.) What if, right this very minute, you had your favorite crayon in front of you, in your hand? You know the one. Your favorite crayon is that “go-to color” that you always looked for in that big, old Crayola 64 box, and you always tried to incorporate it somewhere in every one of your “masterpieces”. My favorite Crayola crayon was called “Burnt Sienna”. Now, what if, right now, you took your favorite crayon between your fingers and you broke it like the “Karate Kid”? (Don’t pretend like you never did that. Or at least, don’t pretend that you never witnessed that naughty boy in class who you secretly had a crush on, breaking the crayons with one hand, as you feigned shock and disgust, but secretly thought that this move was kind of cool and daring. . . . .until he got his dirty mitts on the Burnt Sienna crayon.) So now, your favorite crayon is broken right in front of you and you are required to draw a lovely picture of your life. You are drawing a picture of a path, leading into the sunshine of your future. The path is your life. It must be drawn in your favorite color, the one that really speaks to you, from the depths of your soul. So you pick up your broken crayon, and you cradle it or put a little tape on it, and you understand that while the crayon is a little broken, it can still draw your path in the very color that you had been envisioning that path to look like. And now you also have a little spare piece of crayon, in your back pocket, for those times in the future, when the path gets a little rocky again, and you need to draw on, a new direction. It is almost as if, in some ways, the brokenness of the crayon, has multiplied its capabilities. You now have the knowledge, that came from experience, that you will be ready for that rocky piece of road, up ahead in your path, because you now have the inner depth, and the experience, and the acceptance, to know that broken crayons will always have the ability to draw and to color, until they are completely used up, and then disappear into the horizon, and into the completed master piece of Love.
Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.