Good-bye my sweet, precious, white pony. Thank you for all of the rides. The wonderful freeing rides, with the wind whipping at my face, my hair flying in all different directions, like flames flickering from my very alive and flowing mind. Thank you for making me feel very vibrant and free, at a time when I was at one of my lowest times – a time when I had been brought down to my knees and was building myself back up from the smoldering ashes of what had once been, my former life. Thank you for helping me to stoke that flicker of rebelliousness, carefree-ness, and vitality into an alive, glowing flame, inside of me again, reminding me that it is actually quite fun and interesting and daring, to be me. You have my gratitude for letting me take my moods out on you. You diffused my anger and frustration, like nothing else could, when I dared you to take whipping turns and change your regular gait to high speeds, in seconds flat. You allowed for my tears, when I took long, solemn rides, to calm my sad heart, when I was feeling down and uneven. Thank you for all of the safe travels on the often untraveled, mysterious roads going to destinations, both unknown and sometimes far away. I will always be grateful for the attention that you helped me to garner, at a time when I was feeling bland and anonymous and small. Thank you for helping me to dare to dream again. Thank you for patiently letting me ride you, slowly and hesitantly, on the bumpy road back to a big part of myself, which is now healthfully growing strong and proud and spirited. I will never forget what you did for me. Safe travels on your next journey, my sweet, little, precious white convertible. You did you job so very well!
Tag: convertible
Fly Away
Happy Birthday to the love of my life! My husband turns 50 today. Yesterday, I decided to make our rather torn up (due to renovations) house look a little more festive for his birthday, than its current “war zone” look. I went to the florist/balloon section of our local grocery store. There, they keep all of the mylar balloons in bags with pictures of what they look like. I picked a “5” and a “0” and I asked the florist to fill the balloons while I did the rest of my shopping. When I came back to get the balloons, imagine my surprise that these balloons are about 3 feet tall, each, when filled with helium!!
Now, I drive a small convertible. There was no way all of the groceries and the balloons were going to fit into my car with the top up. So, I had to put the top down. I had to weigh down the balloons with my purse and some heavy groceries and I had to drive home at the sludgy speed of a turtle. Drivers in my area of the country, are a bit aggressive and obtuse, so I literally had someone right behind me, tailing me, when they could have driven around me. I’m wondering if they did it to annoy me. It was the most stressful 10 minute drive home, I’ve ever had!
Still, the balloons made it home without flying away and they definitely add to the festivity. The things we do for love. I’m glad that I didn’t get pulled over, although a police escort might have eased the tension of the drive. It’s times like this that you wish you could have an out-of-body experience and look at yourself, and the crazy things that you do in life. It would be very easy to be self-amused, in my case.
Green-Eyed Monster
I once read that if you feel envious of something that someone else has, instead of wallowing in those feelings, you should use the envy as a springboard to either change up things in your own life or to change your thoughts. Napoleon said that “Envy is a declaration of inferiority,” but I don’t believe that. I think all of our feelings are part of our natural navigation system, so when our feelings are negative ones, we have to pay attention to what thoughts and circumstances are creating that negativity. That, in turn, empowers us to make changes.
Many years ago, a friend in my neighborhood who was a few years ahead of me on the parenting chain wheeled happily down our road in her brand new convertible, with the top down and her hair flying. I was still stuck in the minivan/SUV/station wagon stage of parenting and taxiing my four kids around town in that mode of travel, and admittedly, my envy meter went way up. I felt sorry for myself for about a week, every time I hauled my brood around in our giant, french-fry garden, multiple mileage miracle, ton-sized Ford SUV. Ironically, I now look back at that car with such fondness remembering the very many family road trips it reliably got us to and then safely back home, all in one piece. However, my current ride is a convertible and I adore it! I decided to turn my envy into future inspiration and it has worked out great in the long run.
Friends of ours are continually busy doing things. They take trips and adventures and outings as often as the rest of us drink coffee. Their three kids are younger than ours and I started to feel inferior, lazy and martyr-like compared to them. I started to feel that ugly little ripple we call envy. Now reality is that I like down time. I like alone time and a lot of it. I like to be spontaneous, calm and peaceful. So, as exciting as planned outings and trips can be, a little bit of them goes a long way for me. However, in noticing my ugly feelings, I realized that perhaps our family life had gotten a tad too predictable and banal and so we added a few more weekend outings and we made a better point of planning more interesting family vacations. I don’t fit into my friends’ frenetic lifestyle but I am grateful for the inspiration it gave to me to spice mine up a little bit and to make changes that were inspiring to me.
Theodore Roosevelt said that “comparison is the the thief of joy.” I have repeated that quote often to my children when reminding them to be only the best of their own abilities and circumstances. However, I only believe that Theodore Roosevelt’s statement is true in the long run. In the short run, if I feel a little prick of the green monster, I ask myself where is that prick coming from and what do I need to do, as an empowered woman, to make that prick go away? In that sense, a very ugly negative emotion can be turned around to be a beautiful flash of inspiration or a change of focus to strong thoughts of gratitude for all of the amazing good in my own life. As we all know and have experienced, the grass is greenest where you water it.