“This is one of the marks of a truly safe person: they are confrontable.” – Dr. Henry Cloud
Dr. Cloud has written many good books mostly focused on the subject of boundaries. There seems to be a whole lot of attention on narcissism and toxic people, these days. Back when I first learned the term “narcissism” there wasn’t much of anything about it at all on the then sparse internet. There were very few books on the subject, but it was such a relief to finally have a term and some understanding about why some of the toxic people in my life, at that time, behaved the way that they did. Now there is a plethora of information out there about these topics, some good, some not so good, but Henry Cloud knows what he’s talking about. We only have control of our own thoughts, behaviors, decisions, actions and reactions, and we are responsible for the consequences of all of these things. Healthy boundaries that we create are an important part of our overall health. There are all sorts of articles out there, talking about how to spot an unhealthy person. I think the above quote is as about as solid and telling as it gets. No one likes to confront and no one likes to be confronted, but healthy people, even if nervous and upset, can handle confrontation and work through it to a mutually agreeable solution. Trying to confront an unhealthy person, is like walking into a hurricane or a room with a ticking time bomb. The energy swirling around is scary, unpredictable and has the healthy people “walking on eggshells.” I like when someone “states the obvious”, yet what is said is so refreshingly clear that it feels like something that we have known all along, deep inside, suddenly comes to the surface and makes all of the sense in the world.