Years ago I worked for a small “mom and pop” company. Every morning when I would walk through the door, the owner would warmly and happily exclaim, “There she is!” That greeting always made me feel so welcome and special. After decades, I got reunited with a childhood friend. One of the first things she reminisced about was the nickname my father had given to her. She said it had always touched her and she’d never forget it. One time I was staying with a friend at her home. Back then I thought Diet Coke was the “Breakfast of Champions.” I’ve matured a little since then, but I’ll never forget opening my guest room door in the morning and seeing a cold, frosty Diet Coke waiting for me right outside the door. There was a skylight there and the sunlight was beaming on the Diet Coke, like it had been sent from Heaven. In a way, it had been. When my beloved grandmother died, a fellow soccer dad sent me a kind sympathy card with a lovely poem enclosed. The poem touched me so much that I have included it in every sympathy card I have ever sent since (unfortunately too many to count). I have heard that the poem has been read in many funerals.
Kathleen Winsor said that “Charm is the ability to make someone else think that both of you are pretty wonderful.” When I started looking up information about charm one of the first articles to pop up had a title that was something to the effect of “20 Signs that You are a Charming Person Without Being Aware.” I think that is the essence of charm right there. It is genuine, sincere kindness with no ulterior motives attached. A truly, naturally charming person is unaware of how much they have elevated the person they have touched. Like H. Jackson Brown said, “People may not exactly remember what you did, or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.”
Dale Carnegie has a famous, often repeated saying, “To be interesting, be interested.” When someone describes a charming person, they often say that the person made them feel like they were the only person in the room, even if the room was a stadium full of people. I remember a friend telling me about going to an event to see the Dalai Lama. It was a stadium event, and it was sold out. She said that the Dalai’s presence was so calm, peaceful, loving and tranquil that she had to look around herself more than once, to make sure that she wasn’t the only person present.
In today’s world with so many different information outlets and media content, it seems like everyone is scrambling for their “15 Minutes of Fame.” My son often repeats the saying that never before have lives so unlived, been so well-documented. I sometimes feel a bit precious writing this blog. I think that is why charm is such a warm, special quality. The enthusiasm, sincerity and attention is all directed at others, which is such a rarity in a selfie obsessed time period. Like all traits, charm can be used for good or for bad, depending on the intentions of the charmer. Nonetheless, when it is used for good, it is a quality that is a difference maker in people’s lives and experiences, sometimes in ways that create lifetime memories and feelings that will never be forgotten.