These Five Statements

The Wise Connector on Twitter posed this question a few hours ago. Most people answered “I need help” but many people admitted that all of the above are difficult things to say. I wonder if you could test your own personal evolution with the idea of reaching the point in your own life, that none of these statements would be hard to say. All of these statements could just roll off your tongue, as easily as “I’m hungry,” or, “I like Netflix.”

For the longest time, I didn’t tell people that I loved them. I just assumed that they knew and honestly, it felt a little squirmy to say it. Then, something clicked in me, probably about ten years ago, that made it much easier and pertinent for me to tell my people that I love them. If I am honest though, it mostly comes out as, “Love you!” For some reason “Love you!” feels light and casual and less vulnerable. Lately, I have been making the conscious effort to add “I” in front of “love you.” I’ve been telling my people, “I love you.” The “I” connects and commits me to the the love which I so deeply feel for my loved ones. So, my wonderful readers, know this: I love you.

The things that I am most proud of in my life, I have had to make a conscious, deliberate decision to do, and to be. Usually these decisions came from wanting to make a change from something that was causing pain in my life. That’s the beauty of pain. Pain is viscerally telling us that we need to take things in a different direction. I wonder if we all have some areas of pain in our own lives, that could be healed by us being able to say, any and all, of the statements written above, with purity of heart and intention and commitment? It could be that simple. It really could.

“To anyone afraid to love, Unconditional love is the greatest of gifts. My dad loved with everything he had. He had so many reasons to be scared to love. So many loved ones kept dropping the body. Instead of being scared, he loved more. I am beyond grateful to receive and to give that love.

Love completely and be kind. Of all the lessons he taught me, these feel the biggest.” – Lara Saget, about her late father, Bob Saget

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday-Funday

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RIP – Sidney Poitier, Bob Saget

Usually, when celebrities/public figures pass on, my husband and I feel that little pang of sadness for the loss of another person who has affected one of the eras of our own lives. It’s like a little piece of our own history is again chipped off of the wall, to reveal what is coming next in the fresh future. Since, thankfully, most of these people live to a ripe old age, our kids usually have to ask us, “Who died? Who was that?” But when the news that Bob Saget died came across the wire, my daughter was noticeably glum. As a huge fan of “Full House”, she observably felt that same feeling that my husband and I seem to feel more and more often these days as we get older, and the inevitable losses of life accumulate. One of my daughter’s chips fell off of her own mostly freshly painted wall last night, and I know that she sits with that sad, strange feeling that is relatively new to her. If nothing else, life is poignant.

Speaking of life, I read something interesting yesterday. The idea was that everything that we love in our lives right now, has in some way been gifted to us, by a prior version of ourselves. Our loving relationships, our warm homes, our health and our feelings of security, have all come about, in part, by actions which we have taken earlier in our lives. (Important: Don’t start to use your human nature right now, to start pinpointing all of the areas that you need to improve, and start feeling blameful and angry at your former self. This is supposed to be a positive exercise in gratitude.) Think about everything that you love about your current life, and thank yourself for gifting yourself these wonderful people, places, things, feelings and experiences. Now, in this light, think about what you could do in this next year, for which your future self would deeply thank you for, say, five years down the line. We often talk about what kind of world we would like to leave for our children and grandchildren. But remember, you are still very much alive and vital. What kind of world do you want to create for your own future self? What would you like to be thanking yourself for, in the next five years? I am incredibly grateful to myself for creating this blog, over three years ago, at a time period, when my deepest self knew that the era of raising my children was soon to be coming to a close. I created Adulting – Second Half as a way to open new doors to myself, and I have never, ever regretted that decision. What decisions and actions do we need to make for this new year, that our future selves will thank us for, forevermore? (I fully understand that this is a lot to ponder on a Monday. You may save this assignment for tomorrow, if you like. 😉 Most importantly, have a great week!)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.