I was reading an article about black/white thinking and about how many times we humans have the tendency to see things as all good or all bad. We have a tendency as humans to use words like “always, never, all, none, every.” We sometimes like being drama queens, and that makes us prone to vacillate between extremes in so many things. What was great today, was awful yesterday. We have trouble with the grey areas and the nuances, despite the fact that it is in the nuances, where the majority of everything lies. It’s called “splitting”, when we stick with our “Good versus Evil” narrative, and many of us do this common process of “splitting”, at least from time to time, or in particular circumstances. In the Comments section of the article which I read, a rabbi stated that “splitting” was rarely an issue for her, because in her words, ” . . . in the Jewish tradition, there is the concept of the Benoni, the person who is neither sinner nor saint, but muddling through.” This comment perked my interest and curiosity, and so I read and researched more about Benonis. In Judaism, the thought is, that most of us, in this life, are Benonis. In the words of one rabbi, a Benoni is like an every day, medium-sized coffee – nothing particularly special, but nothing particularly noxious either.
Chabad.org describes three types of people on this Earth:
‘ “Traditionally, three terms were used to describe a person’s status:
1. Tzaddik—“the righteous person.”
2. Benoni—“the intermediate.”
3. Rasha—“the wicked person.” ‘
Most of us like to think that we are Tzaddiks, but apparently most rabbis won’t even cop to being Tzaddiks. That’s a lofty status which is reserved for the very, very few (perhaps maybe even the non-existent on this plane) who make no mistakes – ever, never. Thankfully, most of us aren’t Rashas either. That would make for a terrible, horrifying world. The thing is, the vast majority of us are Benonis – not all good, not all bad, just doing our best to muddle through. The idea is to know and to understand and to grasp that you are Benoni, and therefore, having this knowledge helps you to be motivated to do your best, and to add some good credits and deeds that put you closer to the Tzaddik side of things, versus the Rasha side of things. Tone down the bitterness of your own brew of coffee, Benoni. That’s your job.
When you understand and accept that you are a Benoni, it helps you to have empathy for all of the other Benonis around you (basically everyone). We all have our strong suits and we all have our weaknesses. A majority of us are trying to do our best, for the most part, when we can. Yes, you must protect yourself from the misbehaving Benonis who are headed towards the Rasha side of town, but you must also understand and accept your own foibles that have lead you down your own scary paths. When you accept your own mistakes, it helps you to empathize with all of us Benonis, who are just muddling through. Absolutes mostly do not exist. Wise Benonis understand this fact.
There is good and bad and different perspectives in and about almost everything in life – people, places, concepts, institutions and things. This is just the way of life. In a nutshell: just be, Benoni, just be. Do your best, and assume that others are doing their best. In the end, it will all work out just fine. Be the best damn cup of coffee you are able to be, and let the pieces fall as they may. Just be, Benoni. Just be.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.