“This is one of The White Lotus’s best tricks: introducing us to entitled characters who we’re supposed to loathe, while at the same time knowing that, deep down, we’re not entirely unlike them.”
“it was a moment many of us will recognize, where you realize that a decades-long friendship is now primarily held together by its own history, rather than shared values in the present. And if you want it to continue, you might have to look the other way.”
“I think the show is asking a much more exposing question: At our core, do we really change all that much from who we were in high school?”
(quotes from Louis Staples, Bazaar)
I love watching the The White Lotus series. It’s one of my favorite series on TV and I am honestly pretty picky about what I watch. I typically much prefer to watch movies over television. This season three of the The White Lotus series is particularly outsized in its explorations of human psyche and dynamics. This season is definitely more hair-raising and fearless than the previous two seasons (which says a lot), and it certainly won’t be for everyone. (prepare to be sickened – prepare to squirm – prepare to see things that you wish that you could wash eyes out after viewing them)
Interestingly, the most intriguing “story within the story” for many people (and one of the actresses Leslie Bibb is actually surprised by this. She thought that maybe the friendship story would be considered the most boring of all of the subplots, but this is not proving to be the case) is about a trio of high school friends who have gone in all different directions, but still, in their middle forties, remain friends, and have taken a reunion trip in Thailand together, in order to reconnect. But the rest of the story, is a story that is as old as time. The rest of the story (at least so far – we are six episodes into the total of eight episodes which make up this season) is just another modern day version of “Mean Girls“. And if you are a woman, you’ve never had to watch the Mean Girls movie to already know the script (you could probably write it). You can probably guess that the script is full of competition, fake-ness, and passive aggressive behaviors and comments, and some backstabbing, and some gossip, and some more gossip, cleverly being painted as “concern.” And if you are an honest woman, you can admit to yourself that your own self has fallen into one or more, of the not too pretty, surface-level, stereotypical versions of “friend” in various friend groups throughout your lifetime. The friendship being depicted in this season of White Lotus is relatable, but it’s not flattering to any of the friends. It’s triggering. It’s hard to admit toxicity in relationships that mean a lot to you, for the amount of time and energy which you have invested in them. It’s hard to own up to your own unhealthy contributions to a toxic dynamic. It’s hard to face that even in your middle-aged years, you may not have changed as much from your high school years, as you think that you have evolved. That is the trick of The White Lotus. If you have enough humble self-awareness, you can own your humanity, with all of its foibles and flaws and thus, feel more compassion for yourself and for others.
I love to go to Reddit and read people’s thoughts on each new episode of The White Lotus. The friendship trio gets a lot of women admitting to experiencing, and also being part of friendships like the one depicted in the show, for most of their lives. I’ve witnessed my daughter experiencing these dynamics throughout her childhood into college. I’ve witnessed the elder women in my life still experiencing these dynamics in their retirement circles. I honestly don’t know one woman in my life who hasn’t experienced some unhealthy dynamics in her friendships throughout her lifetime. It’s not the story that we like to tell ourselves, though. Our “besties” are our chosen family. Our friends know us better than anyone. Elbert Hubbard’s famous quote is this: “A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same.”
And I think the quote by Hubbard is the complicated truth. Our friends are human. Our friends are flawed. We, as individuals, are human. We, as individuals, are flawed. Therefore our human relationships are fragile and flawed. A true friend knows these things about you. And more importantly, a true friend knows these things about themselves. And so, if underneath it all, there is true authenticity and vulnerability in a relationship, despites all of the flaws that everyone brings to the table, you deeply love each other just the same.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.