Tag: aunts

Year of the Aunts

When I was shopping with my future daughter-in-law last week, she pointed out a poster of Hocus Pocus with a smile on her face. She told me that she loves that movie. I smiled to myself for a different reason. I immediately thought of my three aunts.

Now, I mean no disrespect to my aunts. My aunts are way more attractive, alluring, kind and interesting than the stereotypical, storybook witch. But to me, in my own inner version of what a witch is, my aunts fit the bill: magical, crafty, resilient, mysterious, wise, attuned to nature, assured in themselves, faithful to Life. My aunts have always been a fun, spoiling, soft spot in my life since I was a little girl, but as I have grown older they have also become my inspirations.

My (only) three aunts are all in their 70s, yet they stay fit and active and “with it.” They are adventuresome and confident. I call this year, “The Year of the Aunts”. This is the first year in a long while which I have experienced one-on-one visits with each of my aunts. This is a rarity. We all lead busy lives and we are all spread out in different states. One of my aunts even lives in a different country.

We women need each other (even as awful as we can be to each other), and we need each other in all forms. We need our female friends, sisters, mothers, daughters, cousins, grandmothers, mentors, and aunts. Sometimes one of our female cohorts is more than just one of those things to us. We women are that powerful. We can be shapeshifters if need be. There is something unrepeatable in the strength at the core of a woman. We know this fact deeply and intimately, and we inevitably share the wells of this female strength and wisdom when we convene with each other.

I have always loved my aunts, but I didn’t realize until this past decade, how much I need them. I didn’t realize how much they teach me, just by being themselves. I didn’t realize the depth of the nourishment I get from each of them, and the familial care and concern they have always held for me, even when we are not with each other. I hope and pray, that I can be the same source of solidity and comfort for my nieces and nephews, in different stages of our lives. My own aunts have treated me, as if this was their sacred duty. Perhaps it is . . . .

Aunts, I love you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Aunties/Allomothers

I haven’t been a wonderful aunt. I love our nieces and our nephews, but I haven’t been a vital part of any of their lives. I’ve sent cards and gifts and loved on them during infrequent visits, but I don’t have a close, intimate relationship with any of them. This wasn’t something that I did, or chose to do consciously. I have my excuses: a large family of my own with a special needs child, geographic distance, sibling rivalries and distant relationships with our siblings, etc. But, whatever. I haven’t gone out of my way to be the kind of aunt whom I would like to be. This is not something that I am proud of, but in the words of my husband, when I confessed this fact to him recently is this: “It’s never too late.” It’s never too late.

And it isn’t too late. It’s only in the last five years or so, that both my husband and I have leaned heavily on the wisdom, and the love, and the strength, and the kindness of our own aunts, while dealing with various health issues and declines of our surviving parents. I am in my fifties and I do not know what I would have done without our aunts, especially in this last decade. Our aunts have allowed us to be children again, in a time when we still (surprisingly) desperately need “the adults” in our lives. They have given us the kind of unconditional love and support and comfort that only maternal, elder figures are intrinsically able to do, and I am forever grateful to all of them. Aunts, I love you and I respect you immensely. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Elephant tribes are mostly made of adult female elephants and the babies. Bull elephants are kicked out of the tribe when they reach early adulthood. Elephant mothers can rely on her “sisters” to take care of her babies, when she is not able to do so. Elephant mothers know that “her sisters” will protect her babies fiercely like they are her own. Elephant babies know that the tribe is full of female protectors who are helping their mothers to raise them. The elephant babies know that they have a strong, divine, feminine support surrounding and encircling them, to ensure their safety and well-being. An elephant tribe is mostly focused on protecting and nurturing their young. And elephant babies take a long time to grow up. This system is called “allomothering.” All of the female elephants in a tribe are “allomothers.”

I guess that I always knew that my husband and I, and our own babies, had this female tribe encircling us, but they have always given us the grace of space and understanding. Our aunts have always given us the respect and the autonomy to be our own people. Our aunts have given us an uncomplicated love. And I can continue this tradition with my own nieces and nephews. I can surround my own nieces and nephews with a force field of love, no matter how far away. I hope that our nieces and nephews know that no matter what and no matter when, they will always be the babies of my tribe, and I am willing, and I am able, and I am proud to do my duties of protection, nurturing, and support, no matter when that time comes for me to stand tall, with my ears flapping and my feet stomping and my head charging. I’ve had amazing examples to learn from, and so I must continue the tradition. It’s never too late.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.