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All is Well

As I turned on my computer, a Quora pop-up appeared with “a question for the day.”  Someone had written, “I’m 25-years-old.  What should I do with my life?”  I chuckled to myself.  I was tempted to write back, “I’m 47-years-old.  What should I do with mine?”

I remember how stressful it was to be young and have that whole huge blank slate of life stretching out in front of you.  Your life is so structured as a child and a student and then all of the sudden it isn’t.  I think that we go through periods of life where we pick a certain path and we feel that comfort and confinement of structure.  We get married, start families, start career paths that feel comfortable and we take that direction for a while until something, either inside of us or outside of us, or sometimes both, disrupts our current path and brings us back to that question, “What should I do with my life?”

I commiserate with the author of that question.  He or she is wanting definiteness.  He or she is wanting “the rule book of life”, with guaranteed results.  We all think that we want that, especially in scary times of unrest, with all of the negative news swarming around us, creating fear and uncertainty at every turn.   Reality is though, a great, big fun part of life is the unknown, the possibilities and the surprises.  Alice Sebold wrote, “Sometimes the dreams that come true, are the ones you never even knew you had.”

There are no “shoulds” in life.  Other people may try to “should” on you.  You may “should” on yourself, but reality is, there are no “shoulds.”  There are consequences to every action.  Good consequences and less than good consequences come from every choice that we make, but in reality there are no “shoulds.”  Depending on how you look at that statement, that can be freeing or scary as hell.

As a mother of young twenty-somethings, I wish I could wrap them and the Quora question-asker, and all of us, in my arms and say, “Just live.  Just be.  Follow your inclinations, passions, and interests and see where they take you.  Be kind and loving to all people, and all things and remember that includes yourself.  Trust in the forces bigger than you, remembering that you have limited vision of the bigger, unfolding picture.  All is well, even when it doesn’t feel that way.”

I think that there are giant, strong arms and wings wrapped around all of us, whispering these very words in our ears.  We just forget to listen to the whispers sometimes when the world is so loud and busy and full of unrest.  All is well, though.  All is well.

Let It Be

I’m getting a late start this morning.  It was a busy weekend.  My youngest two children had their Homecoming dance Saturday evening.  The next day, we headed over to our sons’ college town where we got to visit with our eldest two sons and their girlfriends.

I’ve been through the Homecoming “drill” many times now, although this was the first time with my daughter.  Admittedly, it’s a lot harder to find the right dress than asking, “Do your slacks still fit?” to the boys.  She liked her dress until she got to the dance and then she decided that it was all wrong. From what I gather, that is the normal expectation for girls and high school dances.   In the end though, both the “brown-hairs” (our youngest two kids) seemed to have a good time and everything went off without a hitch.

The still new part comes in the next day.  We are still getting used to this new “adult” relationship we now have the “reds” (our two eldest sons).  There is no more “the parents dictating” times and places to meet.  It all is much more a mutual decision now.  Actually, our sons picked a fun Mexican restaurant with an outdoor patio and it was great.  All four kids were talking about their stresses, their classes, and their visions for the future. My middle son is really struggling with his decision to go to medical school or not.  Our eldest son was telling us discussions that he has with his boss and his coworkers and mentions that he’ll be spending the week in Philadelphia for work.  I just sat in awe at times.  When did this happen?  Why does it feel like they went very slowly from energizer bunny boys to snarky, cocky teenagers to all of the sudden, at the flip of a switch, interesting mature adults with a lot of ideas and visions for the future?  And concerns for their parents?  My one son’s girlfriend asked me, “What will you guys do next?”   I think that she meant after lunch, but I felt the need to reassure her that we would travel, and I was loving exploring my writing, and my husband is taking his biking to a whole new level.  Wow.  This is all so strange.

Right now I am sitting with a mixture of pride and relief, but also a feel of having strange empty hands and not quite sure what to do with them.  My mature self knows better than to use those hands to hold on too tightly to young men who have so much to offer themselves and the world as they go on living their lives.  I know that it’s not my place to make decisions for them anymore, but now to be more of the sounding board and comfort zone, a good supporting character, as they grapple with decisions that they must make on their own, for themselves.  I think that maybe I’m supposed to take my hands and place them in prayer position in front of my heart and just be thankful.  Maybe right now is the stage that I just enjoy them and our new relationship status as contemporaries. Mostly, I just need to let it be.  Let it be.

He Who Works

Please forgive me for a short post today.  I’m very excited to head to my middle son’s college town.  My husband and I are going to be meeting he and his girlfriend and my eldest son and his girlfriend there for lunch.  I haven’t seen any of them for several weeks, so I am giddy.

We bought them all boxes of cookies from a local restaurant who has wonderful food and a fabulous bakery.  This is the kind of restaurant that is always hard to find a parking spot for when you go there to eat.  The cookies are divine!  The bakers there remind me of this St. Francis Assisi quote:

He who works with his hands is a laborer.

He who works with his head and hands is a craftsman.

He who works with his hands, his head and his heart is an artist.

Thank God for our every day artists:  our bakers, our chefs, our hair stylists, our landscapers, etc.  When you put your mind, body and spirit into what you do, you are an artist and there are artists all among us.

Just Do It

My husband and I went to see A Star is Born last night.  It is everything that it has been hyped up to be!  I highly recommend the movie.  Here is one of my favorite quotes from Jackson Maine (Bradley Cooper’s character in the movie):

Jackson Maine: Look, talent comes everywhere, but having something to say and a way to say it so that people listen to it, that’s a whole other bag. And unless you get out and you try to do it, you’ll never know. That’s just the truth. And there’s one reason we’re supposed to be here is to say something so people want to hear. So you got to grab it, and you don’t apologize, and you don’t worry about why they’re listening, or how long they’re going to be listening for, you just tell them what you want to say. Don’t you understand what I’m trying to tell you?

Readers of my blog, my guess is that you are writers.  Writers are readers and thinkers, and blogs appeal to writers and readers and thinkers.  I read recently that in Iraq, when the market shops close up at night, the book vendors never lock up their books.  They believe that readers don’t steal.  It’s not in a reader’s nature to steal.  Readers and writers and thinkers have certain natures.  You understand what I’m talking about.

I’ve had several people ask me how I started this blog.  Ironically, I went to another blog that gave me step-by-step directions.  It was much easier than I expected, but there was definitely a strong determination on my part to do it.  I had to get my words out and I needed a structure to do it.  I am not a technical person at all.  When my kids move out, I probably won’t be able to turn on my TV.  Putting in a printer cartridge was a challenge for me for quite some time.  I often accidentally turn on the flashlight on my phone and I can’t figure out how to get it off, until I’ve blinded at least three random people.  Point being, if I was able to start a blog, so can you and you should.  You have something to say.  You have something to share.  It is meaningful and interesting and important.

People are so tentative to share their talents and their ideas.  And that’s so sad.  The people who are bravest in showing us who they really are with their talents, insights, visions and passions are the ones who are really making a difference in the world.  Imagine the possibilities, if everyone dropped their fears and inhibitions and showed themselves truly and openly and beautifully, just as they are in raw form.  My, that would take the world to a different level, wouldn’t it?!?

Ingrid Bergman said, “Be yourself.  The world worships the original.”  Nike says, “Just Do It.”  What are you waiting for?  I want to read your blog or your book or hear your song or your poem read out loud.  I want to see your dance and your artwork and your crazy creative costume on Halloween.  I want to see You, the You that is timidly hiding behind fears, and societal expectations, and excuses and lies other people told you about not being good enough.  You did all of the “prep work” and learning and then “unlearning” in the first half of adulting.  You are ready to share You now.  There is no better time.  Just do it.

 

A Friday is Born!

“Why is Monday so far away from Friday but Friday is so close to Monday?”- Unknown

But let’s not focus on the negative . . . . It’s Favorite Things Friday!!!!  I just reserved movie tickets for my husband and I tonight, for the movie A Star is Born.  We might get little cricks in our necks but at least we can sit beside each other.  I am very excited (not sure about my husband, but he is a good sport)!

New readers, I share three “favorites” of mine every Friday.  These favorites can be anything: products, tips, songs, movies, whatever!  I encourage my readers to post their favorites in the Comments section.  Please check out former Favorite Things Friday postings, as good things never go out of style! 

Thinking about A Star is Born got me to thinking about all of the songs I love to sing out loud to when I’m driving.  James Corden knew what he was doing when he created “Carpool Karaoke.”  Last night, after I picked up my daughter from her tennis lesson, we belted out out Florida Georgia Line’s Cruise.  Earlier this week we were in unison with Billy Joel’s Piano Man.   Yesterday, I made a fool of myself rocking to Lynyrd Skynyrd’s Sweet Home Alabama.  Tom Petty’s Won’t Back Down and anything by Everclear tend to make my Carpool Karaoke list frequently as well.  Creep by Radiohead is a good one, too.  Readers, do you have any Carpool Karaoke suggestions to make this Friday even more complete???

Hey, did you just skip down to the Favorite Things Part?!?

Here goes:

Huichol bracelets –  I love bracelets!  I love stacking bracelets!  I love beaded yoga bracelets and gold bangle bracelets.  I have small wrists so bracelets that are adjustable or that secure with knot are good for me.  Do you remember the 80s when Madonna turned us all on to rubber bracelets?!?  My sister wore so many of them it’s a wonder that she could bend her arms.  Anyway, I think Huichol bracelets are going to make a BIG COMEBACK.  I noticed that an online store that I like to peruse was offering Huichol bracelets featuring horses and they were sold out.  And they were asking almost $70 a piece for them!  Ladies, forget that!  Go to Etsy.  For half the price, the selection is amazing!  What is a Huichol bracelet?  You’ll know it when you see it.  You’ve had them before.  These are the beautiful beaded bracelets made in Mexico.  Get yourself one!  It’s Friday and believe me, they are going to be the new “it” thing and you’re going to be “in the know” because of what is on your wrist.

Morning Glamour Satin Pillowcases –  I think when our moms all had Beehive hairdos, everyone slept with Satin pillowcases to keep their hair in check until the next weekly salon appointment.  Well, I don’t have a Beehive, but I don’t wake up with snarls and mattes in my hair anymore. Supposedly these pillowcases help stave off wrinkles, too.  I do love the cool, crisp feel when I lay my head on my pillow.  At the very least, these pillowcases make me feel very retro-glamorous.

Palm Beach blooms Room Fragrance – I’ve mentioned before that I love anything that smells good.  Smelling might even be my favorite sense.  This spray smells so amazing!  I keep a bottle by my desk, in my car, in my bathroom (of course), and up my nose (kidding).  Seriously, as a “scented candle/ perfume/ plug-in-aholic”, for this to make my top five favorite scents of all time is saying something.  It is kind of hard to find. It is made by apfrangrance.  It comes in an adorable little royal blue bottle.

In honor of A Star is Born, I’m going to end FTF with a Lady Gaga quote:

I am a walking piece of art every day, with my dreams and my ambitions forward at all times in an effort to inspire my fans to lead their life in that way.

Inner Internet

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t. – Erica Jong

I have often repeated this quote to my family.  What happens when you spout quotes to the people you love, is that they often spout them back to you.  This one was recently boomeranged back to me via my husband.  At least I know that my family members are listening to me, I suppose.

I tend to get obsessive when I want a definitive answer to something that is bothering me.  I look up every website that might even just have a word that will help me with a problem or an issue.  It’s embarrassing to see even Google reminding me that I had just been at that same website two minutes ago or “you have visited this website many times.”  Why is it that I know that nothing will be different on the website that I just visited 2 minutes prior and many times before that, but I’m still hoping for a different glean of knowledge?

I believe that we are designed by the Divine to have the answers within us.  I’m a believer in prayer, but the older I get the more I realize that there is often a better plan for me and my situations than my limited vision sees.  My prayer is more and more often, “Help me to know that the answers are already within.  Help me go with the flow, knowing that everything is in accordance to Divine plan and help me to trust that knowledge.”

I watched a speaker recently who said that if we pray for patience, often we are going to get a long line at a bank.  Experience is our teacher.  God isn’t going to always swoop in and make things easy for us.  We parents know how hard it is to watch our children struggle to learn to walk, and then to read, and then to drive and then to drive off towards lives of their own.  We want to make it all easy for them, but we know it’s not for their best, so we sit on our hands, send our outpouring of love to them and know, in faith, that they are going to be okay.  We know that they have all of the tools to handle life, right inside of them, if they get quiet enough to listen to their own inner wisdom.

I think that we must have a built-in internet, full of knowledge and understanding right at the click of our hearts.  The good thing is that this “inner internet” doesn’t send us embarrassing reminders that we have been at this fork in the road 82 times already.  Our inner wisdom has the patience to know that we will “get it” eventually, because we already “have it”.  We just have to come to the acceptance of what we already know.

 

The Confession

I have a confession to make today.  It’s about my biggest guilty pleasure these days.  Okay, here goes:  I love to watch TLC’s “90 Day Fiance’ Before the 90 Days” and I love to read the Twitter feed while I’m watching it.

A reader of my blog:  OMG.

Me:  I know.  Ugh.  I’m sorry.  It just feels so good to just get this off of my chest.

Reader:  Wow.

Me:  I know.  It’s not a good look.  It’s really “yuck.” I know.

Reader:  It’s trash TV!!!!  It’s Jerry Springer on steroids!!!!  What are you thinking?!?

Me:  Well, it’s just kind of relaxing.  It’s on Sunday nights.  You know, the end of the weekend is always such a disappointment; such a “m-whah, m-whah.”  It kind of keeps my mind off of Monday.

Reader:  You know, I was starting to give you the benefit of the doubt.  I was starting to think that you were sort of intelligent and that you had some interesting things to say.  Wow.

Me: I know.  I hate that I like it.  It’s an exploitative, sad and pathetic TV show.

Reader: Uh huh!  Yep.

Me:  I think I’m just going to finish out this season and be done with it.

Reader:  And the tweets are so mean!!!

Me:  I know.  I don’t write any of them.  I just read them.  And laugh.  I do laugh.  Ugh.

Reader:  They are mean with those memes!

Me:  You are so right.  I mean, they are funny tweets, but some of them are mean.

Reader:  Uh-huh.  Yep!

Me:  Wait, how do you know what the tweets are like for “90 Day Fiance'”??

 

Meaningful Habits

This morning I got to thinking about rituals, routines and habits.

This is some information I found from the internet:

The difference between a routine and a ritual is not necessarily the action, but the attitude behind the action. To many, a routine is getting up every morning, eating breakfast, brushing your teeth, taking a shower, getting dressed, and going to work. … However, rituals are viewed as more meaningful practices.

A habit is an action we do often in a regular and repeated way. Routine is a regular way of doing things in a particular order. The main difference between habit and routine is that habit is a recurrent with little or no conscious thought whereas routine require a high degree of intention and effort.

I’m still a little confused.  I guess it is just a matter of degrees.  I got to thinking about all of this because my husband is on a business trip.  Because of this, our morning routines/rituals and our evening routines/rituals are shook up a little bit.

Our typical morning “routine” consists of my husband going to the gym freakishly early.  (He can have that part of the routine all to himself.)  When he arrives home from the gym, I saunter out to the kitchen, where our two youngest children are eating breakfast, gathering their stuff to head to school and either stressing about upcoming tests or joking about upcoming events, depending on the schedule.  I take out and feed our dogs and when I come back inside my husband has poured my coffee into one of our many mugs.  I like to think that he chooses “the mug of the day” deliberately and carefully as all of our mugs have some meaning to us.  We have collected them from vacations, our college, our children’s college, and sometimes just from quirky impulsive shopping days.  I recently purchased a mug that says, “T.J. Maxx is my spirit animal” on one of those more impulsive shopping excursions.

After kissing the kids and sending them on their way, we saunter back to our bedroom, where I read The Daily Skimm, some headline stories and our horoscopes to my husband while he gets ready for work.  After he leaves, I head out to my desk to start writing my blog.

I suppose that is just our morning “routine”, but considering how much I miss it when he is gone, I see it more as our morning “ritual.”  I have my own “rituals” when he is out of town, too.  Last night, we had Chick-Fil-A for dinner.  This meal is almost a given when my husband is out of town.  My kids put in their orders without even asking me “What’s for dinner?”  I also just reserved on Redbox a strange, indie documentary film for me to watch tonight.  I’m greatly looking forward to it and I am sure that my husband is relieved to not have to watch it with me.  We watch more traditional films when we are together, so I save my more “out of the box” film choices for when he is traveling.

Every year and every season our routines change a little bit.  I guess when what we do during a new routine becomes habitual, it becomes more meaningful to us.  When our habits and routines become more meaningful we see them more as “ritual”, almost becoming sacred to us.  I imagine if we really examined our everyday routines, our holiday traditions, our vacation and trip plans, etc. we would see just how much habit/routine/ritual plays into the big picture.  We usually don’t notice this, until a change-up occurs or when something unusual disrupts the flow, but it is really true that we are creatures of habit.  I think that the examining of our habits/routines/rituals is a smart thing to do, though.  Perhaps some things are just habits and perhaps they aren’t particularly meaningful or helpful or even healthy for us anymore.  Maybe little tweaks here and there to our every day practices could start a ripple effect, allowing even more creativity and excitement and anticipation to enter into our every day lives.  And at the very least, by examining the actions that have become like rituals to us, we can be thankful for all of the real meaning and comfort that we do have in our daily lives without even realizing it.

What Do You Say?

We have a phrase in our family that we have said for over a decade.  Whenever one of us talks about fun upcoming plans, or an interesting day, in our perkiest sing-songiest voices, with our heads rocking back and forth we say, “That’s cool!  That’s fun!”

That much-used family phrase came about from an encounter on a school bus that my middle two sons had with a cute little girl who asked them if they were twins and they said, “No, we’re just brothers.”

“That’s cool!  That’s fun!” she replied as she hung over the top of her seat on the bus trying to make new friends for the school year.  That was the first reported story of that particular school year and that particular phrase has “stuck” in our family for all of these years.  I imagine most families and people have borrowed phrases that become part of their history, their vernacular, their being.

My friend would always say, “Dammit, Jim,” in her best “Dr. McCoy from Star Trek” voice whenever something annoying would happen.  Although I have never been a Star Trek fan, I decided to mimic it until I owned it because it helped me to keep my potty mouth at a respectable level.  Recently my daughter, who has probably never seen Star Trek, asked me about this quirky habit of mine and she said, “Who’s Jim?”

“No worries!” is another one I copied.  Some kindly man said that to me probably two decades ago and it made me feel so good, I decided it had to be part of my vocabulary to pass along.  My husband likes to quote from movies.  He has held on to Billy Bob Thorton’s, “Some folks call it a slingblade . . . ” for a long, long time only because I think he likes to do that deep guttural “Mmmmm-hmmmm” at the end of the quote.

I could go on and on and I’m sure everyone else can do the same with their family’s phraseology.  It’s the things like these that make a person or a family, so uniquely them; a part of them that makes them so divinely special and different from the crowd.   It’s the little things, like shared phrases and nicknames that make us feel connected to our loved ones.

When my eldest son first headed to college, my daughter and I couldn’t stop crying.  In a misguided emotional moment, I told her that we should think of all of the things that annoy us about him so that we wouldn’t feel so bad and miss him so much.  That was a fail.  It just made us sob harder, because when you focus on all of the attributes of a person, you are understanding every little detail of what makes that person so alive to you and you are realizing how well you know and love that person.

At this middle age stage of our lives, it is almost certain that we have all gone through the very painful experience of losing people whom we love.  It is in those dark moments of loss, that in wanting to save a clear memory of that person, that we think of all of the little details, quirks and nuances that made that particular loved one who they were to us and who they were to the world.  It’s rarely the big things that serve as a reminder of the essence of a person or a family or a group of friends, but a mixture of all of the special little moments, looks, laughs, habits, scents, ways of moving, ways of speaking, inside jokes and understandings, etc. that bring a smile of recognition and joy to our hearts.

What are some phrases that are part of you?  Where did they come from?  What’s the story behind them?  These are just some of the ways “you are being you” in the world and someone or many someones, are noticing that and treasuring that about you.

 

No Ostrich Pucky

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about a story of mine that was kind of crazy but true, concerning my little white chinchilla.  I called it “no horse pucky.” (I think “horse pucky” is a hilarious word so I wanted to use it.)  Today I have another “no horse pucky” story.  It didn’t happen to me.  It happened to my friend, but she is a reliable source.  Anyway, you can’t make this pucky up.

So years ago we lived in a neighborhood that was close by to a ranch that was filled with all sorts of exotic animals.  This ranch had giraffes and zebras and even a hippo.  The ranch ran a hayride through the middle of their land and as you were sitting on the back of this trailer being pulled by a pick-up truck, many of the animals would come up to the people on the hayride looking to be fed.  This ranch was a fun attraction and our kids would have school field trips there fairly often.  My friend was chaperoning one of those field trips and she was wearing antique Cartier earrings gifted to her by her grandmother.  Now you may be asking yourself, why was my friend wearing Cartier earrings on a hayride?  Well, she’s British.  They’re very proper.  Have you ever seen the royals look anything but fabulous??

Anyway, my friend was on the hayride and the truck stopped and the animals came charging up to the ride, looking to be fed.  There was one ostrich on the ranch and the ostrich was particularly friendly.  My friend was excited to see the ostrich and to be able to look up close at its lovely, long eyelashes.  As she was lovingly gazing at the enormous bird, it must of caught a glint of something shiny on my friends ear, and that glisten must of looked delicious to the ostrich.  Out of nowhere, the ostrich plucked an antique Cartier earring off of my friend’s ear and ate it.

My friend was devastated.  These were antique Cartier earrings inherited from her grandmother!  So, she implored the owners of the ranch to help her.  They understood her plight.  The lucky thing is that there was only one ostrich on the ranch.  So one of the ranch workers kept a dutiful eye on the ostrich for several days.  Sure enough, after a few days, the Cartier earring reappeared in the ostrich’s pucky and was reunited with my friend who has the earrings to this day.  True story.  Feel free to giggle and pass it on.