Month: November 2024

Exquisitely Beautiful

This has been a deeply cathartic, restorative year for me and my immediate family. It has been what we needed. And I didn’t set out for it to be this kind of a year for us. Of course, everyone hopes that every year will be special, and peaceful, and joyful, and exciting and relieving, but that’s not how life works. We know this. Sometimes “cathartic and restorative” comes from all different circumstances, even if others looking in, might not see what we have been through, in that same comforting way. Life is personal. In hindsight (which is usually the clearest vision), I’m delighted with what me and my family were guided to do and to experience in 2024.

I always tell my family, “Let Life love you.” And what I mean by this is, “Surrender.” Surrender to the belief that there is a beautiful plan in place, even when you start mucking it up with your own worries, and your own need for control, and your resentments, and your mistakes, and your actions and your inactions. Life knows what you really need, and is guiding you along every step of the way. You are just going down the beautiful stream of your life, and while you might be getting caught up with what is going on in your own little, fiery red canoe, rowing against the tide furiously, in the meantime, the current of the stream is still guiding you down to exactly where you need to go. And every once in a while, when you get tired of your own foolishness and you take a beat, and you take some life-affirming breaths, and you remind yourself of this fact, your eyes and your heart will be suddenly clearly opened to the beautiful synchronicities that are happening in your own life, and in the lives of all others. You will fully understand that Life does love you. Life does love all of us. Life is love, and the rest is just the games and the tricks that we play on ourselves in our own fiery little red canoes. And the games are okay. They are creative. They are just part of being alive, and being daring enough to spend some time being human.

There is not a more poignant time in life than during big beginnings and big endings. That is why we have created so many major rituals around births, and deaths, marriages, and graduations. We need these rituals to help us to store and to process the “big feels” that come during these major opening and closing times in life. I don’t think there is a time when you ever feel more alive than during these turning points in life and even when they are hard times, they are so exquisitely beautiful. The stream of life is exquisitely beautiful.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Wednesday’s Whimsies

+ Yesterday, I texted my husband that I had written a blog post. He told me that he loved that I had given myself permission to just blog on whim. Kelly Corrigan recently interviewed Christy Turlington Burns (supermodel from the 80s) and also the current creator of a series called The Art of Recuperation, on Kelly’s podcast. Christy said this in their conversation, “When movement feels like freedom and not duty, your feet will carry you further.” Do things because you want to do them, not because you “should” do them. And if there are things that you think that you absolutely have to do/should do, find the “want” behind the should. I will go to my annual physicals, because I want to remain healthy. I will go to work, because I want to feel financially secure. There are a lot more things in life that are self-imposed “shoulds” that you really don’t have to do, if you consciously consider everything. (Everything in life is really just a set of actions/energies and the consequences of those actions/energies) And after coming off of a busy time period that now, allows me to catch up on some truly delicious rest and sleep and recuperation, this quote from the conversation makes a lot of sense, too: “Not all that tires depletes. Some exhaustions feed the soul.” My soul has been fed incredibly delicious experiences all year long and now I am really enjoying some contented, deeply experienced, rest. (long, happy sigh)

+ I read this quote by Eckhart Tolle yesterday: “Boredom, anger, sadness, or fear are not “yours”, not personal. They are conditions of the human mind. They come and go. Nothing that comes and goes is you.” Don’t say, “I’m depressed, or I’m angry, or even, I’m happy.” For you are not those things! You are feeling depressed, or you are feeling angry or you are feeling happy and you probably feel these various feelings and many more feelings, every day, throughout each day. YOU are the peaceful, timeless observer inside of yourself who experiences your bodily sensations, who notices your thoughts, who experiences your everyday escapades, who feels your emotions. YOU are a tiny spark of Source/Creation/Life/God/Spirit experiencing being alive as a human being on Earth at this moment. Live fully in all your powerful glory. Experience it all and know that all is well.

+ We were boating with friends of ours over the weekend and we saw the effects and changes caused by the hurricanes on the beaches and the barrier islands by our town. It was humbling and yes, much of the human created parking lots, and structures and widened beaches have been devastated and need to be repaired, but the natural beauty remains constant. No matter the changes it goes through, nature looks beautiful in every cycle of its life. (as do we – we are part of nature) We saw several dolphins, a pelican decided to fly along beside our boat (similar to that recent car commercial where the bird is flying in unison with the car), and we had the best shelling experience that we have experienced in a long, long time. (The storms sure churned up some beauties!) No experience is ever one-dimensional.

+ I collect potheads and other garden goop. One of my regular readers, Kelly from Cali, recently asked me how Harmonia did through the hurricanes. Harmonia (the muse of my blog, you can read about her on my front blog page) remains solid, still, and beautiful and nonplussed. Here she is today with Celeste, one of my favorite potheads:

This is one of the first potheads that I ever brought home. I never named her. She looks like the masthead of a noble ship:

And here are Bert and Ernie, who are so kind to hold our sunscreen and bug spray. They were discovered in an old barn in my grandfather’s tiny hometown of Windber, Pennsylvania:

And this is Garden Girl. I recently met her maker, a self-proclaimed “yardist”, but that is a story for another day (or check my archives. I have written about him before):

Don’t you just love people who can bring life and whimsy to materials like clay and rock and concrete? They are creators. We are all creators and we are co-creating this world every day. Let’s make it a wonderful one.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Tuesday’s Tidbits

+ Hi friends. I’ve missed you. I’ve missed Adulting- Second Half. In many ways, for many years, writing Adulting- Second Half on a daily basis was my second half of myself (the reflective half of myself who was pausing to reflect and to take notes of all of my inner and outer experiences, in this transformative time in my life). Adulting – Second Half is definitely one of my sacred spaces. Joseph Campbell describes our sacred spaces as places “where you can find yourself over and over again.” I’m here today because Life has finally gotten back to an even pace for me lately (which I realize is probably just a small respite, as the holidays are right upon us) but for now, I am enjoying it. Normal steady breathing, equilibrium, steady as she goes – I’m soaking in these feelings before the glitz and chaos of the holidays is upon us.

+ I just finished reading a book in a day and half. Yes, it was one of those books that was Just That Good. The book is called The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store by James McBride. McBride’s character development is unrivaled. I felt like I was feeling the character’s own feelings. If you want to get lost in a book, and lost in an interesting, thought provoking story, I highly recommend reading it.

+ And also, in the spirit of “Favorite Things Friday” even though it is only Tuesday, I recently purchased The Original Cincha Travel Belt. The Original Cincha Travel Belt is a seatbelt for luggage that you sit up on top your roller bags, when you are cruising through airports, city streets, train stations, etc. In my last travel experience, just last month, the straps were too long on my beautiful hot pink tote bag which I absolutely love, and so the bag would fall off of the sides of my suitcase, causing a great deal of imbalance and stoppage time and embarrassment and frustration. My beautiful, overstuffed bag was taking my roller suitcase, and thus also me, down with it. I haven’t tried my cincha travel belt yet, but when I read about it, it was one of those “Now why didn’t I think of that?” moments. I ordered one on Amazon right after I finished reading the article about it.

+ Every family has their “birthday clumps” in any given year, right? Our family’s birthday clumps are in late spring, and also during the holiday season. In late November throughout December, our family celebrates at least ten birthdays (including my own). For some reason this prompted my curious mind to find out how many people are born on any given day. The United Nations estimates that 385,000 babies are born in the world on any given day. Other interesting facts: September 9, September 19, and September 12 are among the most common birthdays in the United States. (This also tells me that perhaps people are also their horniest during the holiday season) And for obvious reasons, February 29th is the rarest birthday to have in the world. You have a 1 in 1,460 chance of being born on February 29th.

+ I was watching a video where Ben Affleck was being asked about what his thoughts were about AI. Did he think that the entertainment industry is going to be taken over and gobbled up by AI? It is Ben Affleck’s belief, that no, AI is not a real threat to filmmaking. Like all things, AI will change the film industry, but it is his belief, that for a long time coming, AI will still be just a part of making films. Ben Affleck believes that AI will make filmmaking less expensive, thus allowing more creators to come in with less barriers to entry, and thus allowing a proliferation of films like we have not yet seen (much like streaming has done in regards to TV shows). He agrees that AI will perhaps take over much of the human element of special effects, but Ben Affleck compares AI to a craftsman. AI learns its craft and imitates from all that has already been created. We humans are still the vessels of Creative Intelligence which brings thoughts and imagination and emotion into the material world to experience sensorily, and Ben Affleck believes that AI is just another craft or tool to allow us to do this more effectively and efficiently. He said this quote: “Craft is knowing how to work. Art is knowing when to stop.” Ben Affleck believes that AI will have a really hard time with knowing when to stop. On that note, I think that I will stop here for today.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Veterans, in Gratitude

In a time period in history, where “service to self” seems to be the common theme, it is an honor to pay our greatest respects to amazing people who give themselves to something bigger than themselves. Is there anything more brave, selfless, honorable than this? Veterans, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Fill Your Own Damn Cup

As a mother of three sons, early on, I started considering how I would be a good, kind, interesting mother-in-law so that my adult kids would still want to come around. Our youngest child is our daughter and of course, I want to be a good mother-in-law to her spouse, too, but for many reasons, the stereotype of bad mother-in-laws always seems to be related to mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws.

I read an article that the above Tik Tok went viral recently. And honestly, I believe that the Tik Toker’s advice is good to heed, in order to have excellent relationships with anybody, not just in-laws. “Fill your own damn cup.” If you rely on other people, your relationships, your roles and your “image” for your own happiness, you will be chasing your tail forever, never achieving it. It is our job as humans to fill our own damn cups. And when we fill our own damn cups, we feel happy, and satisfied, and engaged with life. And thus, we are pleasures to be around. We are not eeking dissatisfaction, anger, neediness and resentment that leads to controlling, and guilt-tripping and utilizing aggressive and passive aggressive behavior.

In other words, it is our job in life to be joyful. And joyfulness comes from within. No one else can give us joy, and we should not allow others to steal our joy. We should share our joy, which if we are doing life right, our joy should be bubbling over our filled cups. When we do this, we become delightful, interesting, engaging friends, spouses, parents, in-laws, neighbors, cousins, children, people. Here are some quotes that have struck me in their wisdom for decades and I have shared them on the blog before but they bear repeating:

“No. The most important relationship in life is the one you have with yourself. Once you have that, any other relationship becomes a plus and not a must — and, therefore it becomes luxury, and that is important. The relationship should be a plus, not a must.” – Diane Von Furstenberg

“I don’t think the parent and child should be so intimate that it becomes a jail for the child. I’ve tried to help my children to become themselves.” – Paloma Picasso

     “Your children are not your children.
     They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
     They come through you but not from you,
     And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.” – Kahlil Gibran

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Kinship

Maybe this is just in my mind, but my experience in going about my daily chores yesterday, is that we women were just a little teeny bit kinder to each other. There was a little more sweetness, a little more understanding and a little more compassion felt for one another. I sensed it. Deeply.

No matter what your politics are, and no matter who you voted for, as women, earlier this week, we were on the brink of something none of us have ever experienced in our lifetimes before – an American woman as president. And I have to believe, that even in the most diehard Republican woman out there, there was at least a teeny, teeny part of her (that teeny part of her that was promised as a little girl that a woman can do anything), who found that idea exciting and hopeful and vindicating. And yet it was not to be . . . .

There is good that comes out of everything. Yesterday, I found a knowing kinship with other women (most of them strangers to me), that I honestly haven’t felt in a long time. And it was good.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Step Into It

I wasn’t going to write today. Today is a big, interesting, emotionally charged day in the history of our country. But then I saw this quote, and I had to make sure that it was kept in the annals of my blog. (I see my blog as my own personal “thought museum”). There are so many times, in the history of my own life, that my life has gotten better and bigger when I finally realized that I had been giving my own power away, and so I stopped doing it. I took control of my own life, and my own destiny. I started trusting my own inner compass, more than the noise and distractions outside of me. When you get these “a-ha” moments, much like Dorothy and her shoes, when she realized that she had the power within her all along to get home (to herself) and away from Oz, these realizations are shocking, upsetting, incredulous but then freeing and energizing and empowering. You are more powerful than you realize. Don’t give your power away. Stop letting your mind be your own enemy. Channel your own mind with the eternal wisdom of the life force within you. You are powerful. Step into it.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Your Word

Wow. I am really at an exhale point. And it feels so good. The extra hour of sleep could not have arrived at a better time. October was a month of distractions of major proportions for me – good ones (enjoyable visits with loved ones, and fun, energizing personal projects) and bad ones (two major hurricanes rolling through my town). And in my life, at least for now, things feel back to a little more even keel (not counting the crazy, suspenseful election and that’s all I will say about this. This is not a political page. There are countless ones of those all over the internet and in your neighborhood and on your TV and in your face – I think that one thing that we all can agree on, is that it will be really, really good for this presidential election to be done and over with.)

I’ve noticed that a life lesson that is really being drummed into me at this time in my life, is just how much I value accountability. Reliability, accountability, doing what you say you are going to do, no excuses, etc., etc. is really, really important to me. I’d much prefer “under promising and over-delivering” to anything else. I value kind, direct and honest communication. Thankfully, my closest family and friends are those people. My family and my friends are my rocks. Rarely am I disappointed by any of them. I have chosen wisely. I also try to be the same dependable and reliable person for the people in my life. If I say that I am going to do something, I do everything I can to stand by my word.

People who aren’t reliable often don’t have bad intentions. They are usually good people with good intentions, but are often not organized nor realistic. They tend to be people pleasers, who promise the moon, and think that they’ll figure out a solution to getting you the moon, later . . . . And then, what’s so hard in these situations is that often the disappointed party, ends up feeling like “the bad guy” for calling the unaccountable party out. Often times the person who gets let down feels badly for feeling disappointed and angry and frustrated. People who are manipulative snakes know what they are doing, and they don’t feel badly about leaving you in a lurch. (but the true, evil snakes of the world, are few and far between. Call me Pollyanna, if you will, but this has been my experience in my almost 54 years of life) So, the usual situation which I have experienced is a transaction between two good people who want a satisfactory experience, but one person is not good at living up to their word, and the other person has to keep lowering and lowering their expectations. And then it becomes sad and squirmy and an overall negative experience for all of the parties concerned.

I just had to get this out. Thank you for witnessing me, friends.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.