Soul Sunday

Hi friends. As my regular readers know, Sundays are devoted to poetry here at Adulting – Second Half. On Sundays, I share a poem that I have written or someone else has written. Please share your poems in the Comments section. This is a sacred space for us to share the words which seep from the deepest corners of our hearts.

“Poetry is ordinary language raised to the Nth power. Poetry is boned with ideas, nerved and blooded with emotions, all held together by the delicate, tough skin of words.” — Paul Engle

Here is my poem that I wrote for today:

THE PURPOSE OF WELLS

Once there was a woman who was just walking along,

and she unexpectedly fell into a deep, dark, pitted well.

This had happened before in her journeys,

But somehow she always managed to forget

how scary, and dark, and lonely, and helpless she felt,

at the bottom of her cavernous well.

At first, she panicked. She screamed and she wailed,

and she tried angrily to claw her way out of the well,

but the clawing only gave her more injuries, and exhaustion,

And made her feel weaker than she already was.

More rocks and debris fell on to her, as she mightily struggled,

And the jagged stones opened ancient, unhealed wounds,

And these fresh, new gashes bled out all of her strength.

And she was filled with fear and despair.

She fell dejectedly to the bottom of her well and she whimpered.

It started raining. It was pouring and storming and bleak.

And those who love her, and those whom she loves and adores,

Called to her, from afar, from the top of the deep, deep well,

Promising to stay with her and to help her.

But, she intuitively understood that this rescue,

Would be something that mostly,

She would have to do for herself.

She also knew that some of her own deep loves,

Had fallen into their own deep wells, at the same time,

And she panicked and she flailed,

And she tried to gain control,

of everyone and of everything.

Mostly, she wanted to save all of those loved ones,

She wanted to pull them out of their own frightening wells,

Even more than she cared to escape her own lonely cell,

But there was really nothing she could do,

At the bottom of her own caged pit.

The woman stewed in fear, and in anxiety and in sadness and in despair.

But then . . . . when she got really quiet, she listened and she heard.

“Rest”, someone whispered, adding a hint of light into the darkness.

“Let’s just rest. Let’s just let it be.”

“Surrender. Trust. Let it go.”

And the woman felt the words swirling and beating into her heart,

The words were coming from someone sitting right next to her,

Someone peaceful and kind, holding the woman’s hand, assuredly.

It was her beautiful, serene, shining Guardian, adding light into the darkness.

“There is a purpose for your well.”

“There is a purpose for all wells,”

her Guardian soothed, and the glorious spirit held the frightened woman,

Enveloping her in soft, downy, yet mighty wings.

“Everyone else’s Guardians are with them right now, too.”

And she beckoned for the woman to look upwards.

And the woman looked up at the top of her well,

And she saw everyone whom she loved being held by their Guardians.

There was a beautiful, shining, overwhelmingly bounteous army of Guardians,

Surrounding and shielding and protecting everyone she loves,

Too many Guardians to count, forming a unified glorious light,

A light that was so luminous that it almost hurt the woman’s eyes to see it,

And then at that precise moment, the woman clearly understood,

That even people who had fallen into other deep, dark, isolating wells,

Were also being held and and were also being soothed,

And were also being loved into their own hallowed healing,

by their own sacred Guardians,

Hurting people were being held and nestled,

In their own cozy, safe, private holes of protection,

By their own fearless, loving Guardians,

Each Guardian carefully nestling their charges to wholeness, once again.

These Guardians had been assigned to their people by the Eternal One,

And then the woman realized in perfect awe, that the Guardians,

Had never left any of their people, ever at all.

And the woman relaxed into this peaceful, calming Knowing

And she slept. And she rested. And she trusted. And she let it all go.

And she healed.

And when the woman woke, after what felt like an eternity of sleep,

she felt light, and she felt energized and right before her

Stood a beautiful, solid, ornate stairway, that was easy for her to climb.

And she came back up from her deepest, darkest depths,

and she rubbed her eyes and she looked around,

and she remembered how utterly beautiful it is,

At the safe, solid landing at the everlasting top of the well.

Everything she felt and everything that she saw,

Seemed even more miraculously lovely than it ever had before.

And as she held her Guardian’s hand, she thought that perhaps,

this is what her Guardian meant.

Perhaps it is this renewal,

Perhaps it is this constant rebirth of hope,

Perhaps it is this process that happens,

in the hidden, wrapped cocoons before any crucial changes,

That is the entire purpose of falling into,

and then later, being able to climb out of,

the inky, dark, fearsome wells along our paths.

And then, stepping on to the beautiful, soft landing, at the the top of the well,

the woman took fresh, assured, confident steps forward,

Into the lightness of a beautiful, sun-filled day.

She was filled with a knowing that she is always, always surrounded and bathed,

In endless, bottomless, all encompassing Light and Love,

Even when she temporarily falls into the scattered, very deep wells,

and sometimes forgets about the eternal, impenetrable Beauty and Light,

The light which forms the everlasting well-spring,

Which nourishes and replenishes and heals every single soul,

The woman is reminded that the Light has never left her, nor will ever leave her,

Along the varied pathways and the thrilling adventures,

which make up the very essence of living one glorious human life.

We are not alone. We are never alone. We can walk in peace.

This I know.

Power for the Future

RIP – Ruth Bader Ginsburg

We women so easily forget how hard the women older than us, and in the generations before us, had to work to get women the deserved respect, equalities, and opportunities that should have always been rightfully ours.

Dissents speak to a future age. It’s not simply to say, ‘My colleagues are wrong and I would do it this way.’ But the greatest dissents do become court opinions and gradually over time their views become the dominant view. So that’s the dissenter’s hope: that they are writing not for today, but for tomorrow.” – Ruth Bader Ginsburg

remember the ladies and be more generous and favorable to them than your ancestors. Do not put such unlimited power into the hands of the husbands. Remember, all men would be tyrants if they could. If particular care and attention is not paid to the ladies, we are determined to foment a rebellion, and will not hold ourselves bound by any laws in which we have no voice or representation.” – Abigail Adams, in a letter to her father John Adams, in 1776

Isn’t that a beautiful thing, to stand up for something that will make a better tomorrow for people like you, even knowing that you may never see the fruits of your own labor? What if we looked at every single one of our own individual actions as our own personal gifts to the people of the future? What would we do differently? What would we do more?

Every once in a while, old blog posts of mine trend on my view stats, seemingly out of nowhere. This blog post from February 13, 2019, has been viewed often in the last couple of weeks, so I suppose it has words that bear repeating. Please find that blog post entitled Fragile Like a Bomb, here:

Friends, I’ve admittedly been a little fragile this past week. It has been a tough week for a lot of reasons. But don’t you ever worry about me. I am fragile like a bomb.

Phew, It’s Friday

Woohoo, It's Friday! Pictures, Photos, and Images for Facebook, Tumblr, Pinterest, and Twitter

Happy Friday!! I am so happy that today is Friday. So, so happy and relieved, I am. New readers, on Fridays, I stay at the shallow end of the pool. I don’t go deep on most Fridays. Fridays are “Favorite Things Friday” here at Adulting – Second Half. On Fridays, I list three favorite things, songs, websites, beauty products, etc. that make my material life fun. I strongly encourage you to share your favorites in my Comments section and please check out previous Friday posts for more of my favorites. Here are my favorites for today:

MDLIVE – I have a great general physician, but last Sunday, I was at the end of my rope with a lingering cough (don’t worry, I have tested negative for Covid), which has lasted for over a month. So, I got an appointment with a doctor, spoke to a doctor, got a prescription for antibiotics sent to my pharmacy, picked up my prescription and started taking my medicine, on a SUNDAY, all in a time span less than two hours. The doctor was very kind, empathetic and professional and MDLIVE accepts some insurance coverage. I would use this service again in a heartbeat, but I hope that I don’t have to for a while. I hope that you don’t need to utilize MDLIVE either, but keep it in your back pocket, just in case.

StriVectin Powerlift Instant Tightening Mask – I love StriVectin products. I have used their neck cream for a while now. However, this “Tighten and Lift” mask is my new favorite product from their line. The stress of all of this 2020 mess has been showing on my face, and this is the first product that I have ever used that I saw an immediate difference. If you need a lift, literally, try this product. Of course, there are no miracle anti-aging products that mimic a real facelift, but this product definitely helps fill in the lines, a little bit. It’s a picker upper in a tube and worth the price!

SWAD Coriander Chutney – I have been on a ramen soup kick these days. I start with the ramen and then I get creative by doctoring it up with leftovers, and salad about to wilt, and random single helpings of meat from the back of the freezer, and topping the hot, steamy soup with some crunchy cheese toast. Anyway, to give the soup some flavor and kick, I add a teaspoon of this delicacy to my concoctions and it makes all of the difference. If you are one that likes spice and tang, you must purchase a jar of this chutney. It is one of my go-to ingredients for a lot of my cooking. I purchase my jars of this wonderful flavor, on Amazon.

Enjoy the weekend, friends! Thank you, always, for coming by!!!

HAIR'S WHAT I THINK Or Monday, Monday… Can't Trust That Day…

Candy Corn and Soup

Image

I sent this meme recently to some of my family and friends. My middle son and I found it to be hilarious. My middle son said that eating candy corn is like eating candle wax. I’d honestly eat the candle wax first. Most of the responses to the meme that I got back were along the lines of, “Ha! Yes! Nobody likes candy corn.”

Well, it turns out that my daughter and a few of my friends DO like candy corn . . . quite a bit. They took offense. It seems to me that candy corn falls into the “you either LOVE it or HATE it” category. There is no in-between. You either love or hate broccoli, brussels sprouts, cilantro, sardines, mushrooms and . . . . candy corn.

On a food note, while moping in my bed yesterday, I received a phone call from a sweet young lady from Nordstrom Department Store. She wanted to know when I was going to pick up my package.

“What package?” I asked.

“It’s soup, under your son’s name,” she replied sweetly and patiently.

“Soup?!?” I exclaimed. Right away my mind was going into, “Why in the hell did my son order soup from Nordstrom?!? That’s got to be some expensive soup. I didn’t even know that Nordstrom sold soup, but then again I haven’t been to the mall in forever.”

“It’s a SUIT, ma’am,” she said, giggling.

My son and my husband had recently purchased my son a suit for his medical school interviews. The customer service person and I got a good laugh out of our exchange. It feels good to laugh. Laughter is good medicine.

Outpouring

When I experience some of my worst days in any one year, my emotions hit me hard. I’m a fire sign and I am deep. My emotions come at me hard, Miley Cyrus style – like a wrecking ball. I experience my emotions fast and furious. I usually give myself some mope time when I am really sad and disheartened. It is my way of acknowledging my feelings and letting myself feel them. I typically look a mess, and I keep my bed unmade so I can crawl into it and cry into my pillow whenever I feel like it. When I indulge in some mope time, I find that I am able to inch to the other side of it, faster than I would, than if I just powered through it all and pretended it away. I know myself. I don’t like feeling lousy for long. I get tired of feeling down and blah. I get tired of my droopiness. I know that I won’t get lost in the abyss because my natural state is to be upbeat and hopeful.

When I go through something hard, my first thoughts are totally dramatic. I write this blog every single day and on days that something hits me really hard, like my son’s seizure earlier this week, I ask myself, how do I write my blog? How can I possibly write my blog? Maybe I should just shut my blog down! These feelings arise because I can’t stand dishonesty. I am not a good pretender. I wear my heart on my sleeve. But the thing is, I love this blog. I love to write. I love to connect with you, my beloved readers. I find myself through my writing, which feels and seems to be particularly important at this middle stage of my life, for some unknown reason. As you know, I write this blog when I am on vacation (back when there was such a thing) and on holidays. I write this blog when I am feeling amazing, and I write this blog when I feel like shit. Writing this blog is part of my every day breath. This blog is one of my fondest creations, besides my children, of course.

I won’t tell you every detail of my life. I honor and respect the privacy of my family and of my friends, and that is what is most sacred to me. But I won’t lie to you – that would be like lying to myself, and this blog is an outpouring of pure me. People have expressed to me that they read my blog for inspiration and that makes me happy. I love to add inspiration and hope to this world. I will tell you that even in my darkest times, I love life. I am so grateful for all of the good in this world and there is so, so much of it. Goodness prevails and it seeps out of the least expected places, many, many times. Anyway, I am crawling out of my mope fest each day, and I am saying to you, I love you. Thank you for being here, and the blog stays. See you tomorrow.

Charlotte

We had another setback yesterday, with my youngest son’s epilepsy. My son is okay, thankfully, so that is what really matters the most. Lately, when I offer a gargantuan pile of advice, or pepper this particular son with questions (like I have a tendency to do with all of my children and loved ones – thank you for still loving me), he likes to sing his answers back to me. It is sort of like a warning sign, like a dog growling. And it’s hilarious. The very off-key, fervent singing usually breaks the tension, and while it annoys me and amuses me in equal parts, it also reminds me how much I love my children and each of their unique personalities and their ways of being, in my world and in the whole world, in general. That is why days like yesterday are so stomach pitting-ly tough. There is nothing stronger, yet at the same time more vulnerable, than a mother’s heart. When you have days that force you to confront the idea that your strong, vital heart could be instantly shattered, at any moment or at any time, the fear that you feel is overwhelmingly ferocious. I read something recently, which suggested that we women have a lot of our parts and our essence made out of silk. Like silk, we look feminine and delicate and fragile, but here are the real facts:

“Quantitatively, spider silk is five times stronger than steel of the same diameter. It has been suggested that a Boeing 747 could be stopped in flight by a single pencil-width strand and spider silk is almost as strong as Kevlar, the toughest man-made polymer.” (www.chm.bris.ac.uk)

It turns out that we women are really made of gorgeous, silky steel. Don’t we know it! Charlotte, the teeny, tiny “fragile” spider, really was the strongest character in all of our childhood tales. A tiny, knowing, beautiful, wise, feminine spider, spun her messages in silk. Her love and her gift to the world was her silken word, and her safe, silken nest, where her babies grew and came to life.

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Soul Sunday

Hello friends. I hope that this Sunday finds you in a state of peace. Sundays are reserved for the songs of the Soul, here at Adulting – Second Half. Sundays are devoted to poetry. Please share your poems in my Comments section. This is a “no judgment” zone. This is a safe place for release in the form of the written word. Here is my poem for today:

I Hear You

I’m listening, Body.

You are the one who always gets ignored.

The Middle Child, mediator of the Mind and the Soul.

You don’t have the voice, or the emotion of your siblings,

But you house the heart.

You make possible the breath.

You work overtime, trying to keep everyone and everything in balance.

You subtly ask for care, but your subtly is so easy to ignore,

Until your whispers turn to cries.

Don’t let my cries, turn to screams, you say.

I’m listening, Body.

Today, I care for you.

You are the precious vehicle for my travels in life,

And for the acuity of my Mind,

And for the sensories of my Soul.

Today, I honor you and I respect you,

For everything that you give, to the whole of me.

We Like Each Other

There are a couple of young, famous mommy blog writers who recently announced that they are divorcing their husbands, this summer. This has caused an outrage and a disillusionment with some of their many, many followers. One of the bloggers has actually turned her brand into sort of a “here is the secret formula for creating a perfect marriage/perfect kids/perfect life” if you come to this speaking event, or buy this series of podcasts, or if you pay for this expensive marriage retreat, so I can understand the shock and disappointment among her fans.

We all want the secret formula for life, don’t we? We all hold out hopes that if we just stumble on the exact right steps to take, we will be guaranteed happiness and joy and a problem free life, forever and ever. But at our middle-aged time in life, we are humbled. We get it. There are no guarantees. Life has a way of throwing a lot of curve balls our way – many that we didn’t see coming.

For my marriage, I know that we will be soon be embarking on “the empty nest” stage. I see it in the fast nearing horizon. Our fourth and youngest child, our daughter, is a junior in high school. For most of our married life, we have been a traditional sort of family. My husband has always been the main breadwinner, and I did most of the every day child raising. Lately, I’ve been floundering a little bit. I am headed towards early retirement, where my husband is still following his same, steady career path. I notice that I often feel defensive about how I spend my time (which there is now a whole lot more of, with the kids being more self sufficient than ever) and I also feel nervous, not having as clear a purpose that I felt when I was shaping my children’s lives, on an everyday basis. I don’t feel as assured of my direction these days, and sometimes that makes me feel a little insecure and shaky and floundering. But at the same time, it makes me feel excited, too. My husband’s every day life isn’t filled with as many changes as I am going through, so he just gets to experience the bewilderment/aggravation of having a life partner, who is going through a lot of changes (in her daily routines and in her hormones), and all during a worldwide pandemic. It’s not easy. And there are no books or seminars or weekend retreats, that have a perfect formula for navigating this stage in life, either, because the answers to navigating life stages, are different and unique and complicated, for everybody and every couple. We all have different personalities, and circumstances, and values, and mixes of all of it. Not to dash anyone’s hopes, but singular formulas for perfect lives, do not exist for anyone, at any stage of life. Singular, slick, flashy life formulas are often created by great marketers (even if they do start out with pure, well-meaning intentions), for the ultimate destination of a big pile of money.

That being said, I have started to read Phil Donahue’s/Marlo Thomas’ (who, by the way, have been married themselves to each other for about 40 years) latest book, What Makes a Marriage Last. For the book, they have interviewed forty long term, famous couples in order to find out what makes their marriages work. (Some of these couples include Jimmy and Roslynn Carter, James Carville and Mary Matlin, Elton John and David Furnish, LL Cool J and Simone Smith . . . . believe me, you will recognize all of the names) I’ve just started to read the book. I’m in the first third of the book. It’s so charming. It’s a really fun read. This book reminds me of that last part of When Harry Met Sally, when the sweet couples are sitting on the couches, discussing their own love stories, with twinkles in their eyes. I have noticed many common themes among these couples who Marlo and Phil interviewed. There is a lot of obvious compatibility, mutual respect for each other, a shared love for the families and the lives that they have co-created, etc. Sting and Trudie Styler talk about the importance of good communication and “a pretty intense sexual charge” between the two of them.

My husband and I were sitting on the couch last night. He was watching hockey and I was reading the book, sometimes out loud to him. We laughed knowingly, at some of the things which the couples playfully teased each other about. We talked about some of the aspects that have made our own partnership last so long. We couldn’t articulate everything. We can’t really write it out in a simple, easy formulaic style. We had another enjoyable night together, last night. I think Brooke Adams had a really good answer, when talking about what makes her long marriage to Tony Shalhoub work:

“I think the answer to your question is pretty simple,” she said. “We like each other.”

Sacred Friday

A day of remembrance 9/11 9/11 quotes september 11 quotes september 11th  quotes… | Remembrance quotes, Remember quotes, September 11 quotes

As you age, you come to realize that there are certain traumatic moments, and surreal time periods in life, that you will never, ever be able to completely forget. These sensations and memories are particularly amplified when everyone you know has been affected to at least some degree, and is hurting along with you. We are living through one of these types of time periods right now. We were devastatingly scorched by one of those time periods back in September of 2001.

9/11 was a horrible, horrible, horrible day and experience, but we survived it. We will always remember it, but we overcame it. We got temporarily knocked down, but we rose back up. Beside all of the disbelief and horror and pain and shock and loss and soul scorching anger, there was a pure beauty that came out of that day. I never felt more unified with my neighbors and my fellow American citizens, than in the rest of that year, and into the new year of 2002. I never felt prouder of being an American than on those surreal days after 9/11, when we healed our trauma, together. We held our heads up high, in sharp defiance of evil. I remember for days that turned into weeks and then into months, the feeling of unification was everywhere. People were kind to each other. People focused on how akin they felt to each other. People did whatever they could, in order to heal and to memorialize this awfulness, in a most graceful, dignified, sacred, all encompassing way. People from other countries spoke only of our country’s greatness, of our unmatched generosity, of our beacon of hope which we give to everyone all over the world. We put aside our differences, during that painful time, because we knew that to become whole again, for the raw vulnerability to be cleansed and to be healed, that we needed the support of the whole body of our great country.

Today, we will get set back into our grief a little bit again, but let us also remember the utterly amazing, awe-striking unified Phoenix that rose from those lowly ashes. Let that defiant Phoenix of destiny, which rose and soared above all that which was meant to destroy us, be an example and a reminder to all of us, of what we are capable of doing with our current fires and traumas and fears. We owe this to the people who gave up their lives on 9/11, and to the families who still grieve their appalling sudden losses. We owe this to future generations, to give them an example of core strength and hope and the proof that love and respect for each other, is really what conquers all. Our future generations will need a positive example to fall back on, a wisdom to thrive from, when dark days happen again in their lives, and in the history of America. We need each other. Today, as Americans, we all embrace each other in comfort and compassion. Let’s find more strength and power and energy and onus, in today’s embrace. Let’s all look outwards, together, from this embrace into a unified vision of the beautiful country that everyone who has fought for, and who has lost their lives for, believes in. We aren’t where we need to be yet as a country, but we can get there. It won’t be from fighting each other, though. We need each other.

We healed over the acute pain of 9/11. There will always be a sharp ragged scar, which will always hurt to the touch, but we survived it, and then we thrived. We know that we are a country that is capable of great, great things. We’ve proven that to ourselves, and to everybody else, again and again. We rise from the ashes, and we continue to do so, every time that we are called to do it. Let’s try now to give our collective healing from our current pains, some wings of unity, dignity, love, respect, kindness, empathy and hope, and let the rest of it all – the divisiveness, the inequalities, the failure to work together, the closed minds, the focusing on all of the negative without putting major energy towards the solutions – let’s let all of this negativity that is no longer useful to our country’s greater good, just smolder away in the ashes of what does not serve us. We are the people of a great democracy. We decide what matters. We need each other.

(I apologize for not sticking with my traditional Friday format, but honestly, not really. Thank you for understanding.)