July 2020 - Adulting: Second- Half

Anti-Monday, It’s FRIDAY!

Hello friends!! Isn’t Friday energy wonderful!! Today I woke up in an easy-going, peaceful, calm, in the flow, everything-is-going-to-be-alright kind of a mood for no particular reason. Isn’t that wonderful when that happens? I find that this kind of personal synchronicity with Life, happens most often on Fridays, don’t you? New readers, Fridays are for favorites! I don’t delve into any life analysis/questioning/probing on Fridays. On Fridays, I list three favorite things, movies, websites, songs, products, foods, etc. and I strongly encourage you to add your favorites to my Comments section. Share the happy!! For even more favorites, please see previous Friday posts. Here are my favs for today:

Corwin the COVID Antibody – The picture above is Corwin the COVID Antibody from an Etsy store called Amy’s Organbank. I read about Amy in a news story, as she is a Broadway seamstress, who is relying more heavily than ever, on her side hustles, due to the loss of the Broadway season. She is not alone, in having to find other sources of income, particularly for those in the creative arena. Amy also makes coronavirus stuffies, which she recommends buying and then running them over with your car. I love the idea of really supporting our creatives, during all of this loss and frustration, in any way that we can. Aren’t we all clinging to the things (besides our families and our friends) that bring us joy, during this tough time? And isn’t it, so very often, the dramatic shows, and the books, and the artwork, and the songs that truly bring us joy, in our daily lives?

AP News app – Like most everyone else, I hate looking at the news these days and frankly, I don’t often know which news source to truly trust, if any of them. Back when I was a teenager taking a journalism class, from a tough talking former NYC newspaper reporter, it was all about “just the facts, ma’am”. Only the Letter to the Editor was allowed to venture into any kind of a personal opinion. Nowadays, that has changed. Dramatically. I don’t think anything I read or see in the news, is without some kind of a slant. I don’t think that the AP News is much better in this “facts only” arena, but I do think that they get the important breaking news out first, and they do have good, well-written, heartwarming pieces. I found Amy and her Corwin stuffies from an AP News story. In short, this app is worth the space on your phone, even if you are just skimming the headlines.

Resiliency Journal by Maria Gamb – My daughter and I decided to restore ourselves this week, by visiting one of our all-time happy places, Barnes and Noble. I’m a big believer in the idea that the right book will come into your hands just when you need it to, if you are open to the book “finding you.” I found this little gem (or should I say that it found me), as I was wandering around Barnes and Noble, breathing in all the wonder, calm, peace, serenity, wisdom and happiness that is just so singular to book stores and libraries. As many of you know, I keep a daily short, five minute journal that asks the same questions every day (a former Friday favorite) and this book augments that practice by just five more minutes each day, with really thought provoking, self exploration. This journal was just published in 2020, so it is inspired by weathering through all of the upheaval that we are experiencing right now, in this crazy world.

Have a great weekend, friends!!! Stay safe. Stay well. Enjoy your every living moment. Revel in the simplicity, yet also the complexity of it all, all at once.

Clawde

Rare blue lobster caught off Maine coast - YouTube

Did you read about Clawde, the blue lobster, who was almost someone’s dinner at an Ohio area Red Lobster restaurant? Clawde was saved by an employee, who saw the lobster in the tank and realized that Clawde’s blue color is a one in two-million anomaly! Clawde now resides and is lovingly lavished on, at the Akron Zoo and luxuriates in an enclosure which they have dubbed “Clawde’s Man Cave”. (despite the fact that Clawde is actually a female lobster) In short, Clawde will never be anyone’s dinner.

There are 7.8 billion people on Earth at this moment, so that makes you, one in almost 8 billion. There is no one who is exactly like you on the face of this Earth. You are a blue lobster to the nth degree. You deserve a man cave or a she-shed, and tons of adoring onlookers and witnesses to your utter beauty, your unique qualities and your unrepeatable example of another amazing living miracle that the Universe has lovingly created and nurtured and cherished. Realize this. Let the truth of this fact, seep into your core. Be yourself, in all of your own authentic glory. Don’t you ever let yourself be anybody’s dinner.

Is it Worth It?

calculated risk. A chance taken after careful estimation of the probable outcome, as in Taking their dispute to arbitration was definitely a calculated risk. This term uses calculated in the sense of “planned with forethought,” a usage from the mid-1800s. (Dictionary.com)

Risk is simply the potential of loss. Higher the loss higher is the risk in any deal or personal life. Limiting your chances of losses is called a calculated risk. It means taking up a deal with a certain level of loss already known which you are ready to bear. (quora)

Why are we exhausted and fatigued and worn out and full of mind fog these days? Could it be something to do with the fact that almost EVERYTHING that we choose to do these days, from the moment we open our eyes and roll out of bed, is a calculated risk? Today, my daughter and I are going to go to our hair salon for only the second time since our state opened back up in the beginning of May. And yet I have butterflies. The deadline for school options for my daughter’s high school was Monday (we chose the online version for the first nine weeks). Our college boys are deciding when to head back to their university, despite the fact that all classes will be online. Our eldest son is supposed to come visit us next week. He will be flying. None of these decisions would have made me lose nary a wink of sleep, at this same time last year. And I wonder why my shoulders are permanently attached to my ears this summer?!?

Below is an excerpt from a Psychology Today article, by Dr. Marcia Reynolds, giving more explanation about how to make decisions about risks. Just remember that it is only your job to make your own decisions. You can get help, and you can offer help, to brainstorm various pros and cons of your decisions and the decisions of your loved ones, but in the end, each of us has to make our own decisions that are best for each of us, with the full realization that we bear the consequences of our decisions. Decision making can be complicated and emotional, and this is exponentially so, these days. Let’s be kind to one another, and hold on to the idea that each of us is doing the best we can with the myriad of weighty decisions (because these days, all of our decisions carry some weight) which we are making on a daily basis.

“Here are some guidelines to help you determine if your risk is worth taking:

Use a sounding board. Your brain wants to keep you within your personal safety zone, which differs for each situation depending on past experiences and your taste for challenge. It is better to talk through options with someone who will not be affected by your choice. Also, don’t choose someone who likes to tell others what they should do (especially family). As you explain the pros and cons of risking, notice how you feel. How badly do you want what the risk will give you? Do your reasons make you feel proud or satisfied? Your emotions may indicate how important taking the risk is to you.
Note – Try the Coin Trick. Assign your options to heads or tails. Flip the coin. The moment you see the result, are you disappointed or relieved? The trick might help you uncover what you really want to do.
Catch your “shoulds.” It’s hard to make a decision when you are attached to other people’s opinions. What do you think they will say if you take the risk? Write these statements down to identify your fears of their judgements and your guilt about disappointing others. Recognition of your should-based actions can also free you from black-and-white, stay or go, decisions. You might find other options available to you when you clearly understand what you want for yourself in the future.
Know your why. Be mindful of being driven by needs for recognition or acceptance. When you assess the value of your risk, what type of satisfaction do you gain? What outcome will you be most proud of over time? What would you do if you had no people to take care of or please? Twenty years from now, what would you love to tell people about the risk you took? What story do you want to be living?

For life-changing risks, consider the strengths you love to exercise. Can you envision using these strengths in a deeply satisfying way? Activist Audre Lorde said, “When I dare to be powerful, to use my strengths in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.”
Ask your heart and gut. Although the science of intuition is debatable, you may get insights from this exercise. After you list out the pros and cons, open your heart by looking at pictures that make you smile. You probably have shots on your phone of your family, pets, or sunrises. Once you feel joy or gratitude, ask your heart if the risk feels right. Review your pros and cons from this perspective. Then open your gut by recalling a time in your life when you spoke up or acted in spite of your fear. Feel your courage pulse in your gut. Then ask your gut what to do. Use this perspective to determine new ways to deal with possible consequences.
Be honest about what could go wrong. Don’t ignore hazards. When you look at possible problems, how would you handle them? When I left my last job to start my business, I knew if I failed, I would find another job. Fear can blind you to your options once you take a risk. Consider bad outcomes, determine the likelihood they will happen, and what you would do next.

If you decide the risk is worth taking, commit to taking a few steps, even if the steps are small. You might read a book, have a conversation with someone about the direction you want to take, or sign up for a class on starting a business. Do something to keep moving. Then, if things don’t go as you hoped for, allow for self-correction. Learn along the way.

No matter what you decide, you will encounter difficulties. You will question your choices. You may even find your choice was just a step to the next as you create many chapters in your life.

Which risks will you regret NOT making a year from now? Decide what risks are worth taking and take the first step today.”

Krazy Glue

As school approaches, and reflecting upon that fact, there are so many times I have thanked my lucky stars that my children are mostly grown and very self sufficient. I cannot fathom what it has been like to try to home school young children, while possibly holding down a job, on top of all of the worries about health concerns and what is going on with the economy right now. Raising young children is an all-encompassing, draining yet exhilarating, 24/7 gig, in good, normal, peaceful times. Raising young children during a pandemic would be enough to put anyone over-the-top. I read an article that had compiled some of the latest, funniest quotes by young parents on Twitter. Here are a few:

“I love that my 6 yr old enjoys watching Jeopardy even if she just announced she wants a Nano Knee brand knee replacement” (Molly Erdman)

“I don’t like to brag but I had 19 seconds earlier where none of my kids yelled, cried, peed on the floor or asked if we can adopt a pigeon and call it Peppa” (MumInBits)

“You think you are in charge of your house until your kid gets out of bed and you panic and hide the ice cream you are eating.” (Simon Holland)

“I’d rather hear my toddler say the F-word than “Again!” (Molly McNearney)

Still, (even though this well-kept secret, doesn’t quite dawn on you, until a few years into parenting – Nature must have designed it that way, for the sake of evolution), parenting is a LIFETIME gig. It’s like being appointed to the Supreme Court, except totally and completely without the power, the prestige, the respect nor the quiet, stately office space. So yesterday, I was having a group text meltdown, support meeting with some fellow mamas of almost grown children. We’re used to having our college kids home for a few months out of the summer, but during normal times, our almost grown children are usually busy with summer jobs at the beach, or waiting tables, and then hanging out with hoards of friends, or going to sporting events or parties and concerts and usually, those couple of months of summer, are broken up by a week or so, of a memorable, relaxing, family vacation, escaping to parts unknown for a teeny bit (just a smidge) of family togetherness. Granted, I have saved a lot of money on Uber rides lately (a charge that we have always made clear, will NEVER be questioned, by us, on the credit card statement), but the family togetherness that we all have been experiencing, since the middle of March, is A LOT. And the understandable resentment and disappointment that our almost grown children are feeling, about not getting to experience the usual, much anticipated rites of passage and coming of age experiences, tends to get directed towards the people who love them the most, and who are most concerned about their health and their safety and their futures – their parents.

Dads seem to have a magical way of rising above all of the negative vibes floating around the household (even without sports to watch on TV), but we mamas soak all of the negativity in, like miracle grow sponge creatures, and we worry and we feel sad for everyone. We worry about our spouses and their work stresses and their health and their sanity. We worry about our kids and we feel sad about everything that they are missing out on, since “normal life” went right out the window, this spring. We mamas worry about our aging relatives, our aging neighbors, and we worry about our friends and their families’ stresses. We mamas worry about our coworkers, the medical workers and grocery store personnel in our communities, and we certainly worry about our kids’ teachers. We worry and feel sad for our pets, wondering if they are soaking in all of the craziness that we are feeling. We mamas worry about the politicians, at every level, and all of the crazy, spur of the moment decisions that have to be made by these leaders – these decisions that affect almost everyone, in some way, these days. In short, our prayer boxes are stuffed. The lids won’t stay on them.

And then the resentment starts creeping in. Who in the hell is worrying about us mamas? Who is thinking about how all of this has affected our lives? Everyone in our families looks to us to reassure them, to comfort them, to be the sounding boards for them, to help them make difficult decisions about their upcoming schooling, and to help them to understand and accept the limits that should be set. Our families need us mamas to be the punching bags for all that is wrong in the world. And we can take it. Mother Nature designed it that way. We women are incredibly strong. As I stated earlier, it’s an evolution thing. That’s why it is so good for us mamas (no matter what ages our kids are) to have girlfriends to lament to, who totally and completely understand. It’s not just protesters who need A Wall of Moms to lean on. Apparently, most of the world, needs A Wall of Moms, and so do we moms. We moms need A Wall of Moms. Luckily and blessedly, we have each other to lean on, even if it is just in our minds. Being properly socially distanced, we link arms (proverbially) and we provide shoulders to each other, to lay our heads on, in order to rest. Our hearts find each other’s energy, and the wall of light and love, that this energy creates is so loving, so warm, so strong and reassuring, so knowing, so understanding, so calming, and so faithful and reliable, that we soak it all in, to sustain us, for another day of parenting in this pandemic. No matter what the ages of our kids, the subjects or sizes of our families, we women are the heart of it all, and we know it. Or maybe it’s more than that. A little humor always helps. SpacedMom on Twitter says it best:

“I’m the Krazy Glue that holds my family together.”

I Offer You This Blessing

I love perfume. I own bottles and bottles of it. The sense of smell easily is one of my favorite senses. Recently, I purchased a bottle of Wen perfume. The scent is okay – nice and light and minty and fresh, but the best part of the purchase, is the blessing that came with it, printed on the perfume box. It’s such a good blessing that I cut it out of the box and I placed it on my desk, front and center. It’s such a good blessing that I would like to pass it on to you, my friends:

“May you be blessed with light, love, hope, strength, faith, joy, truth, honesty, understanding, wisdom, harmony, prosperity, success, health and happiness in all of the years to come. “

I highly recommend that you take this blessing, offered to you in love, and in gratitude and in earnest appreciation, soak it in, and print it out. Place it somewhere that you will see it every single day. (My husband’s grandparents used to tape blessings and Bible verses on their bathroom mirrors – a warm, wise practice which I have copied, over the years) Read it while you have a nice scented candle lit, or when you are petting your beloved pet, or while you are gazing at your favorite family photo – doing this, so that you associate your blessing with a wonderful, sensory experience.

Have an amazing day, my dear, dear friends! May your day be filled with light, love, hope, strength, faith, joy, truth, honesty, understanding, wisdom, harmony, prosperity, success, health and happiness!

25 Blessed Quotes - Inspirational Quotes About Being Blessed in Life

Soul Sunday

Sundays are devoted to poetry here at Adulting – Second Half. I either write a poem or I share a poem that has touched me. Today is a sharing day. Please share your poems in the Comments section, in the spirit of sharing. There is no judging here – just sharing our hearts.

About a month ago, my uncle passed. He was a very accomplished and enthusiastic pilot, flying both airplanes and helicopters, and teaching many others to fly, as well. On his memorial card, my cousin chose this beautiful, poignant and apropos poem to honor her father. This is the back story of this moving poem:

“The sonnet above was sent to his parents written on the back of a letter which said, “I am enclosing a verse I wrote the other day. It started at 30,000 feet, and was finished soon after I landed.” He also wrote of his course ending soon and of his then going on operations, and added, “I think we are very lucky as we shall just be in time for the autumn blitzes(which are certain to come).” (Air Force Historical Support Division)

The poem was written by a Royal Canadian Air Force officer named John G. Magee on September 3, 1941. He was killed, about three months later, during a routine training mission, on December 11, 1941. Here is his beautiful poem:

High Flight

Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I’ve climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
of sun-split clouds,-and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of-wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov’ring there,
I’ve chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air….
Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue
I’ve topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace
Where never lark nor ever eagle flew-
And, while with silent lifting mind I’ve trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand, and touched the face of God

Boring

How is everyone doing out there? You have been awfully quiet lately. One of my all-time favorite things, in life, is “adventuring.” Certainly, I like vacations and far away trips, but I savor every day adventures, too. I like going to towns around me and trying out restaurants and going into quaint, unique stores, that I have never been to before. I like lingering in coffee shops and soaking in the ambiance, unique to that particular location. I like mixing my clothes and accessories into new ensembles and I get giddy when those ensembles just seem to fit together, in a whole new fresh way. I enjoy opening a new book, with eager anticipation, or starting a new, engaging TV series or a new, fun game on my phone. I like buying new perfumes or lipsticks with the idea that I will finally find my “holy grail” product and I will never, ever stray from it, for the rest of my life, or until it is discontinued and I have to treasure hunt for it on ebay. I like to adventure on hiking trails that are new to me, with the promise of the possibility of happening upon a plant or an animal that I have never witnessed in the wild, before.

I’ve been a bit mopey and lazy lately. I’ve convinced myself that my adventures have been curtailed and ruined. I’ve been telling myself how boring and mundane and routine and limited life has become with this coronavirus situation, at hand. I’ve had myself a pretty little pity party, in my own little wah-wah, dull blue corner, which I have painted myself into, these days.

I pride myself in my creativity and my thinking outside of the box, so it is time for me, to oil that ingenuity gear in my brain, and get excited again. Dust it off, girl!! It is time for some self reflection on areas of my life, that I am just going through the motions. Is it time to try some new grocery stores and give some interesting, unusual new recipes, a go? Is it time to try to read a genre of book that I typically don’t gravitate to? Does it matter that even though I don’t socialize much at all anymore, to still take the time to get a cool outfit together and like what I see in the mirror? Can I get excited about losing a few extra pounds, by setting a weight loss goal and get motivated by trying to achieve it? My life and my fulfillment is my responsibility. If I’m bored, I need to find constructive ways to fix that for myself, instead of destructive, self defeating behaviors and thought patterns, that just swallow me up in my own wallowing self pity. Being bored is an insult to oneself. (Jules Renard)

20 Motivational Quotes To Get You Out of a Funk | Tulip and Sage

Orange Friday

Join me this morning at 9:30a for Finally Friday Hot Slow Flow with straps. Find your zest for Zen!! See you on the mat ♡ #yoginiwithpurpose #loveyourlight #thereikiingyogini #openheartyoga #balanceyoganj #hotyoga #reikirocks #reikichick #reikieveryday #reikilove #yogareikieveryday #reikieveryday #selfloveselfcareselfaware

Hi friends! Welcome to Friday!! Here at Adulting – Second Half, we call it Favorite Things Friday! On Fridays, I stay at the shallow end, and I list three things, stores, foods, music, etc. in my material world that just make my life snazzier, snugglier and all the way around, snipper-snappier. Please see previous Friday posts for more favorites and please don’t be shy about adding your favorites to my Comments section. Here are my favorites for today:

EWBA.net – This site sells really cool handmade wooden signs and artwork that is sure to bring a smile to your face. “EWBA” stands for Everything Will Be Amazing! It is good to be reminded of that fact, during this very tumultuous, dramatic year, isn’t it? The signs are reasonably priced and at the very least, it’s a happy site to peruse and to remind yourself to keep it light.

Sunset Boulevard – I’m not an old movie buff at all, but I watched this classic recently and I am so happy that I did. A mark of a good movie is to keep anyone’s interest, no matter how long ago it was made. Sunset Boulevard was made in 1950. It’s character development and rising tension, is what makes the movie so tantalizingly relevant, even by today’s standards. Go retro this weekend, with your entertainment choices. You won’t regret it.

Masks that Show Your Smile – I read an article recently that masks are now being created that actually show your smile (using clear ventilated plastic), to help deaf people, who rely on reading lips in order to communicate. These masks are becoming very popular with a lot of us, who miss seeing and sharing real, toothy smiles with everyone whom we encounter on a daily basis. I put an order for this style of mask on Etsy, where there are quite a few sellers who are making this kind of mask.

Have a great weekend, my dear friends and readers!!

Quotes about Your favorite things (35 quotes)

Frenemy

I’m challenging myself to try new things, so I wrote a poem, using this writing prompt:

Writing Prompt
Write a 5-7-5 poem on any subject. The only rule is to follow the 5-7-5 syllable count (first line has five syllables, second line has seven, third line has five again).

Here is my 5-7-5 poem:

FRENEMY

I have a new friend.
She’s an unrelenting bitch.
Hypochondria.

Texting with my friends, it appears that Hypochondria’s friend circle has expanded quite a bit, lately. Why is she so tantalizing? Why do I spend so much time with Hypochondria? What really is the allure? She loves to create drama and fear. Hypochondria (let’s just call her Connie from here on out) loves to make something out of nothing, all of the time. She’s really in her prime right now. Connie has SO many followers, and her fan base keeps growing exponentially, every day, it seems. She’s always stirring the pot, and the media (mainstream and social) help her to do it. Every. Single. Day. The media is Connie’s flock of flying monkeys. The thing about Connie is that she tricks you into believing that worry is actually effective. Connie paralyzes a lot of other people, while in the meantime, she expends tons of her own energy, finding countless articles and websites and experts to make her worst case scenarios, seem utterly and entirely plausible, and on the brink of happening, all of the time. Connie sounds so awful and horrible and evil, when you take a step back, to see how she treats people, yet she’s really hard to let go, for so many of her intimate acquaintances. Why is that?

Others who have let go of Connie’s toxic hold over them, suggest these steps to get away from her:

Learning stress management and relaxation techniques
Avoiding online searches for the possible meanings behind your symptoms
Focusing on outside activities such as a hobby you enjoy or volunteer work you feel passionate about
Avoiding alcohol and recreational drugs, which can increase anxiety

Working to recognize that the physical signs you experience are not a symptom of something ominous, but are actually normal bodily sensations
Setting up a schedule for regular appointments with your primary care doctor to discuss your health concerns. Work with them to set a realistic limit on medical tests and specialist referrals. (The Center for Treatment for Anxiety and Mood Disorders)

In short, in order to get out of Connie’s evil clutches: breathe, take a walk, don’t go to her doctor – the infamous “Dr. Google”, find an all-encompassing interest or hobby, don’t go to a bar or brewery or break open a bottle of wine with Connie, remember that you know your own body better than anybody – certainly better than Connie knows it, and finally, go to a doctor who you can trust, a doctor who will help you to limit your exposure to Connie.

Connie is an emotional vampire. She zaps you of your strength and your practical reasoning skills. Connie does NOT deserve any of your time nor your energy. You need to protect yourself from Connie, during this difficult period in history. Do NOT succumb to her seduction. Connie will steal your time, and your peace and your sanity. She is the real enemy of your health (physical and mental) and of your immune system. It is time to say good-bye to Connie. Connie is toxic. She does not deserve any of our mind space nor attention. Connie’s a mean girl, and mean girls are not good friend material.

funny quotes about hypochondriac | hypochondriac. #medicalhumor ...

Weed Picker

This must be a very musically inclined day for birthdays. Apparently Don Henley and Selena Gomez share today, as a birthday. What a wonderful day!

My husband and I both have farming in our heritage and in our roots. My husband’s farming inclination comes out, mainly in how lovingly and earnestly he cares for our plants, even all of the ones that I buy on impulse because they are just “so pretty,” or “so cool” or “so weird.” (Ask me about my love affair with my Corpse Flower plant, sometime.) The other day my husband told me that he had planted pepper seeds, and he asked me to please be careful when weeding the back bed, as the peppers were planted back there. My husband had planted the pepper seeds in the way, way back bed, at the very end of our property, in our back yard. I looked at him and I started giggling.

“Are you seriously worried about me weeding?” I asked incredulously.

“Well, every once in a while, I look outside and then I look twice and I rub my eyes, and I go, oh wow, is she actually picking weeds?!” my husband replied.

It’s true. On very, very rare occasions, I feel the inclination to find some instant gratification and while taking the dogs outside, I might pick weeds for maybe seven minutes, tops. So in theory, my husband was right, while the odds aren’t great, it could happen. The warning was well thought out. The problem is though, when I weed, it is never a well-thought out endeavor. Weeding, for me, is more of an impulsive way to deal with my jitteriness or boredom or anxiety, when taking the dogs out. Weeding is never something that I actually plan to do, or even think about doing, while I am doing it. It kind of just happens, like poking at a scab or picking at a blemish. (Despite living with the coronavirus threat for several months now, I still touch my face WAY TOO MUCH.) Even when it is a subconscious impulse, me actually doing some weeding, is such a rare occurrence that I fully expect and plan on us, having some fresh, lovely, organic peppers for our salads, very soon. I do love my husband’s faith in my better inclinations, however. In these times of so much togetherness mixed with a great deal of unknowns and stress, it really is good to focus on the bright sides of our chosen partners in life. (even focusing on the bright sides that remain relatively dim, most of the time)