February 2020 - Page 3 of 3 - Adulting: Second- Half

Soul Sunday

Fortune for the day -“One who seeks knowledge must desire from a young age to hear the entire truth.” – Plato

Sundays are poetry workshop days, here at Adulting – Second Half. I hope that you are sitting comfortably, maybe even cozily wrapped in a blanket. I hope that you have a delicious, warm cup of tea or coffee, readily available, in order to warm your hands, and your heart. I hope that, in this very moment, you feel surrounded by peace, comfort, acceptance and love. I hope that, right now, in this very place in time, you are in your sacred space.

Here is my poem for today, and as always, please feel the courage, the inclination, the vulnerability and the inspiration, to share your own poems in the Comments section. One day, I hope that this poetry workshop of ours, is “Standing Room Only.” It’s our creative impulses, that come out from within the deepest part of ourselves (without demeaning censure coming from ourselves or from others), that drive this world forward – a beautiful world, which we are all co-creating together. Be free. Be open. Be real. Be alive. Don’t waste another second, in a precious day of your life on anything less than your purest, kindest authenticity. You, and our world, will be uplifted for your effort, and yet also the effortlessness it takes for you to be, your purest, truest self.

Melange

If my things were to represent my mind,

My mind would be chaotic, and in disarray.

Jumping from lucky symbols, to memories captured in the form of photographs,

Piles of inspirations, and numbered orderly logs, laid out in disorderly fashion.

Objects that touched my heart, at the very instance that I laid eyes on the piece,

For no particular rhyme or reason, perhaps just deeply primal.

The compilation of it all, makes no sense to the untrained eye.

But to me, it is a beautiful, nonsensical pattern,

A medley, an assortment, that makes perfect sense.

The inner me, coming forth in physical form.

Amusing, interesting, cluttered, muddled, yet clear.

A hodgepodge in harmony.

I Ain’t Mad

Fortune for the day –“Never blame your neighbor until you have been in his place.” – The Talmud

I’m struggling with some writer’s block this morning. Nothing is particularly striking out at me, to write about, or stirring up in the inside of me, to write about. I feel kind of “meh” and listless today, if I am going to be perfectly honest. So, I googled “What do middle-aged women want?” What I got back was a whole bunch of rants (albeit some them very poignant and funny) about how we middle-aged women are ignored. We are ignored by the beauty and fashion industry, in the corporate pay scales, by entitled children (except when they need something), etc. etc. One article was even complaining about the fact that middle-aged women are even ignored by sexual harassers. So then it seems, we middle-aged women get hurt and pissed by being largely ignored, and thus, we get grumpy, indignant and stand-offish. And who doesn’t want to stay clear of a grumpy, stand-offish, hormonal, middle-aged woman with a resting bitch face that could stop a tiger in its tracks? So essentially, we are made to feel that it is our fault that we are ignored. And that really gets our goat. Thus the vicious circle has us trapped. I don’t know what the answer to this is, ladies. I just write it as I see it. Sometimes it is easier to watch, than to engage.

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French Fry Friday

Happy Friday, friends and readers!!! Happy almost weekend! New readers, Fridays are dedicated to frivolity here at Adulting – Second Half. On Fridays, I typically list things that make the Material Girl side of me, sing. I strongly encourage you to list your favorites in the Comments section and please also check out previous Friday posts for more favorites to delight in.

Earlier this year, my husband and I were out to dinner with another couple and I started bragging about the fact that I rarely catch viruses. The minute those words came out of my mouth, I wanted to bite my tongue off. I started crazily knocking on anything, within arm’s length, that even resembled wood. I knew that, in that moment, I had instantly doomed myself. So, of course, the chickens came home to roost, after my trip last weekend. (despite bingeing on zinc lozenges throughout the trip, as if they were Hershey kisses) On Monday, I felt that fun little tickle in my chest that kept insisting on popping out of my mouth, coughing style. I felt the familiar exhaustion that comes at the beginning stages of a cold. So, that’s when I doubled up on Vitamin C, continued with the zinc and also added Umcka ColdCare chewables and Trace Minerals Max Hydrate Immunity effervescent tablets to the mix, and I can tell you this, that virus didn’t stand a chance. It got suffocated under all of my supplemental bombardment. I can’t tell you what worked best out of all of the mix, but all that I can say is that the virus was very short-lived. Bye, Felicia! Don’t let the door hitcha on the way out, dumbass virus.

Today’s favorites (the cold remedies were an extra bonus. You are welcome.):

AKC breed beanies – I was perusing the AKC site, most likely for dog training tips, and of course, I quickly gave up and ended up at the AKC store. (story of my life) There, I found these wonderful beanie hats with embroidered patches that look exactly like our dogs (a yellow Labrador retriever and a tri-color collie). I bought the beanies for our entire family. It’s like we are our dogs’ fan club. (but they already knew that) The beanies are top quality, come in all different colors and the yellow lab patch looks so much like our dog Ralphie, that my family thought that I had the hats custom made.

Anthropologie Block Letter Monogram Necklace – I’m not sure why exactly, but lately I’ve been getting a thrill out of wearing my monogram. It’s like lately, I’ve given myself my own stamp of approval. These necklaces are particularly nice quality and the letters are HUGE. Your friends will not have to put their readers on to see your letter, hanging from your beautiful monogram necklace. Laverne from “Laverne and Shirley” would totally approve. My friends and I were watching the HGTV channel and we noticed that a house searcher had two of these necklaces on (perhaps she and her husband’s initials?), which could be a very nice Valentines idea. Buy yourself two necklaces as a romantic gesture for your husband. Win. Win.

Vivino App – My friend introduced me to this wonderful app. All you have to do is take a picture of the wine label from the bottle of wine that you are considering buying, drinking, giving as a gift, or even chugging. All of the information that you ever wanted to know about that particular wine will pop up, as well as users’ personal ratings. Apparently, the app will start to recognize which wines you seem to favor and suggestions will pop up, catered to your tastes. Cheers!

Fortune for the day: “The more one meditates upon good thoughts, the better will be one’s world and the world at large.” – Confucius

Nothing to Prove

Once again, Think Smarter (Twitter) nailed it. I think that one of the biggest traps most of us fall into, at least at some points in our lives, is the need to be “right.” I admit that I fall into this trap quite often. One time, someone very wise said to me, “What does “right” even mean?” When you think about it, you could take just about any subject in the entire world and you could find people who whole-heartedly, with every ounce of their beings, believe that they are undoubtedly RIGHT, at the complete opposite ends of the spectrum.

When I was still a kid, my mother had a long, drawn out jury duty. Of course, she was not allowed to discuss the case with anybody, including her fellow jurors. She really clicked with one juror and they had lunch together throughout the trial. She said that they only thing that they ever discussed during the trial was just how completely obvious that they each thought the verdict was (without discussing the actual verdict), in this particular case. Imagine to my mother’s total surprise, that when it came to casting their votes, that they both voted for the completely opposite verdict.

When we get stuck on our need to be right or we have a strong need for others’ approval for what we are doing, we give away our peace and we give away our power. I think that my husband has figured out that when my scary, fiery temper comes out, he can extinguish it immediately with, “You are right. I am sorry.” (I am willing to bet that half the time, he really doesn’t even think I am right, but let’s keep that to ourselves, dear husband) What else can I say to that response? And why don’t I do some introspection as to why it is so important for me to be right? What does that really get me?

I only have the power and the responsibility to decide what is right for me, and then to create the boundaries around myself, to protect my way of life. That’s a big enough onus, in itself, for me to handle. Sometimes “just my life” is a lot to handle. At the same time, I am the only one who gets to decide what is right for me. No one gets a vote in that, unless I specifically ask for someone’s input. And even then, other people’s advice is just up for my consideration. Otherwise, as the saying goes, “What other people think about me, is none of my business.” In the end, I decide what is right for me. I believe that this is the Divine Design. We were each given one body, one life, one set of circumstances to deal with in this lifetime, and that is very complicated, in itself. It is all that one adult person can handle.

I read something recently that when people are acting in ways that are driving you crazy, or you seeing them heading for a train wreck decision, and you so sure that you can school them on the “right” way, take a pause. Take a pause, take a breath, and then just say to yourself, “Wouldn’t it be nice if this driver used his turn signal, or the PTA members weren’t so petty, or this clerk was polite . . . . . . ?” Then, do what you can do, to extricate yourself from the situation, conversation, expectation, etc. and then go on calmly, with your own precious day, which is a rare, priceless unit, making up the totality of your own single precious life. As as hard as it can be, choosing peace over being “right“, is the healthiest, most serene way to live.

Fortune for the day – “The journey is the reward.” – Chinese proverb

You Are The Sky

Fortune for the day – “All things grow with time except grief.” – Jewish Proverb

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Today, I woke up feeling really good. After a few nights of really good sleep, my energy is starting to come back. My daughter and I sang along to songs today, on the way to school, and we laughed at each other’s goofy renditions of the songs. It feels good to feel good. Yet, honestly, it’s hard to feel good on a consistent basis in this very fast-paced world, a world that offers up a constant onslaught of information (real or fake or misinterpreted or emotionally charged or all of the above, or who really knows?) coming at us, at every level. We learn about the hardships and tragedies of everyone we care about, at the flick of the open button on Facebook or our text chats or emails. We feel the anger and divisiveness and righteousness, rolling out at us like a raging fire, from our TV screens or our computer screens, when we watch the news channels’ reactions and Twitter feeds, about last night’s state of the union speech. It’s hard for anyone to stay above the crazy storm of emotionality that fills our world these days, and that storm is hard on all of us – physically, mentally and spiritually. The growing, ferocious storm sucks us in, and it drains us of our vitality and of our strength.

For today, I think that I am going to very deliberately handle anything that pulls up an emotional charge for me, in a very conscious, considered manner. I will let myself briefly feel that feeling that got churned up inside of me, and then I will put the situation into my prayer box with a knowingness that it’s all going to be okay. It always is. It’s all going to be okay. I believe, with my whole heart, that Forces bigger than me have this whole Life thing all figured out, and I must walk the talk of my faith. I will let that faith tinge every reaction which I have, to any bit of the storm onslaught that comes my way. My compassion for myself and for others will be filled with a confident faith. My awe for the beauty of the natural world will be filled with a confident faith. My desire for those whom I love and care about to have peace and healing, will be filled with a confident faith. My guilt-free laughter will roar with a confident faith. My gratitude for another day of miraculous life will be filled with a confident faith. I will go to sleep easily and soundly tonight, because I will have let myself feel good all day long. These good feelings will allow me to fall asleep soundly, because like a squirrel collecting his nuts, I will have created a pile of well-being for myself, all coming from the Source inside of me and surrounding me – my over-spilling, confident faith.

I’m A Sloth

There’s a dead sloth lying in my pool area. (Either that or he is sunbathing) My dogs are brutal to their toys. I’m kind of feeling like their sloth toy right now. As you can see, I’m a little late with my blog post today. The taskmaster in me said, “Lady, you are not allowed to open up your blog page until you do those damn planks and sit-ups! And I mean it! Don’t you test me!” So the rebellious child in me, smiled sweetly and then meandered around and did everything else she could think of instead of exercises – tried on a new lipstick, looked for a replacement door latch on Amazon, sent funny, snarky texts to friends and relatives, and then, she even started doing not such fun things, such as bringing in the garbage cans, doing dishes, picking up soggy, germ-y dog toys (hence the picture) and even picking up dog do, to boot.

Why do I find it so hard to get back to my groove, after a trip?? It’s not like I was gone for a three week safari, six time zones away. It was just a long weekend away, in the same time zone. It was a long weekend of eating and drinking whatever I wanted (on a pretty much constant basis) without one mere glimmer of a thought about doing planks and sit-ups. It was just a four day hiatus from healthy living, and yet, trying to get back to my healthy norm has been nothing short of torturous.

My youngest son texted this morning that he has started doing a “prison workout.” I texted him back, asking him “WHY?!?” and meaning the question, at so many different levels. My son explained that one, he is not actually in prison (phew), or even preparing for prison (sigh of relief). He explained that the prison workout just works with your own body weight. Hmmmm. No wonder why I didn’t want to get back to my planks (at so many different levels). I had definitely added a few more pounds of weight to the workout, after the weekend that I just enjoyed and I just don’t feel ready for more weight to work with, in my current exercise regime. It’s the ultimate Catch-22.

Here’s the fortune for the day – “When an ordinary man attains knowledge, he is a sage. When a sage attains understanding, he is an ordinary man. – Zen saying

The Bright Side

Fortune for the day –“If you wish to be loved, love.” – Seneca

As a getting older person, I admittedly sometimes question all of the fast-based, interesting changes society is going through (me-“Why does that nice, talented young man, Post Malone have so many tattoos on his face?” daughter -“Mom, he’s doing self-expression.” me- “Okay, please promise me that you’ll never self-express that way, okay?”) and all of the new technology and all of the craziness which I perceive that some of these changes, have brought into our lives. However, as I am noticing myself having more and more careless “senior moments”, I have to say that I truly appreciate a lot of the instant gratification and information onslaught, which is available at almost a twitch of my nose, these days.

For instance, my flight landed home, on Sunday, right after the Super Bowl started. (My husband REALLY APPRECIATED my travel scheduling choice – HA!) Anyway, my favorite part of the Super Bowl has always been the commercials, so I was delighted this morning, to just watch every commercial, right in a row (this is the only time in the year that I am very delighted to binge watch commercials) which I had missed, since I didn’t get home until late in the second quarter of the game. YouTube had them all ready and set up for me. I love it!

Another example – Recently I wrote “10:30 a.m.” on my calendar square, for today. Yep, despite my New Year’s resolution to get better about my calendar skills, that’s all she wrote – “10:30 a.m.” Last week, I sheepishly started to ask my husband and daughter if they had any idea what I might be up to, at 10:30 am on Monday. They looked at me like I had two heads. I decided to blot out the “10:30 a.m.” scribble, with a black Sharpie, on my very old-fashioned paper calendar, hoping to blot it out of my mind as well. Still, the question of where I was maybe supposed to be, or who might be showing up to my house this morning, was nagging at me, constantly. Luckily, though, my young millennial doctor, is very tech happy/savvy and over the weekend, I got about 82 reminders via texts, emails, and voicemails that I have a follow-up shot appointment, today at 10:30 am. I suppose that there must be something in my medical chart, vaguely suggesting early-onset Alzheimer’s.

Final recent example, to illustrate my point – my friends and I were discussing TV shows/series that we have enjoyed watching and I couldn’t think of “Fleabag”. (I don’t think that this is part of my growing senior moment memory loss collection, as I have never been great about remembering names of anybody or of anything, since I learned to talk.) Anyway, I googled something like “name of show where dark-haired British lady scares husband in shower.” Google – Fleabag. Just like that. Boom! Drop the mic. I think that’s wonderful. I am paranoid about privacy issues, yet I adore that Google knows exactly what I am thinking/doing/talking about, at all times. Google normalizes me. I love Google for that fact!

So, moral of the story – there are always two sides to the coin and it is best to focus on the bright and shiny side, right? Now, I have to go get ready for my 10:30 appointment. I have to psych myself up for an old-fashioned shot in the arm. Unfortunately, some things never change.

Soul Sunday

Fortune for the Day – “Joy and sorrow are the shade and light of life; without light and shade no picture is clear.” – Hazrat Inayat Khan

Readers, Sundays aren’t just for football. (But hey, Happy Super Bowl Sunday!) Here at Adulting- Second Half, Sundays are reserved for the poetic side of ourselves. Every Sunday, I share a poem and I ask you to share your poems in the Comments. It’s a nice way to dive into the heart a little bit, before the often analytical work week begins.

Life is Love

Perhaps one of the sweetest gifts of aging,

Is a paused appreciation,

Of just about everything.

A wisdom, a hilarity, a knowing,

A peacefulness,

Comes in at the lulls,

more than it every came before.

In the paused moment,

Gazing at the wonder of it all,

Choosing to put the internal narrator on mute,

Even for the slightest moment,

Brings beautiful calming clarity.

The slowing down that comes from growing older,

Inevitably brings more gifted pauses,

All to remind me of one truth,

Life is Love.

These Shoes Weren’t Made for Walking

Fortune for the day –“Fall seven times, stand up eight.” – Japanese proverb

This fortune is really apropos because last night I chose to wear these exotic looking, high-heeled bootie shoes, that are probably meant to just remain on a shelf, like beautiful works of art. And last night, we walked. A lot. And I complained. A lot. It was a wonderful, fun, funny, exhausting evening and my feet still hurt. That’s all I have to say for today, friends. I’ve got to rest everything today. Especially my feet.

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