“If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to the state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you’ll be going, ‘You know, we’re alright. We are dang near royalty.” – Jeff Foxworthy
“The state fair . . .where the four food groups are fried, deep-fried, sugared and on-a-stick.” – maxine.com
My daughter is going with her friends today, to the state fair. She is so excited. I am so excited that she has reached an age where I don’t have to go to the state fair with her. Honestly, I do like parts of the state fair. I like looking at the animals. I never knew that there were so many breeds of chickens until I went to a state fair. However, I have grown up past the rickety rides and the deep fried butter sticks. I’ll be satisfied just to hear her stories. I’m sure they’ll be good.
“State fairs are the confluence of the garish and the profound.” ― Douglas Wissing
It has been a slow, easy, relaxing weekend. I like it. Last night, my husband and I fell on to the couch rather late and ended up watching the acclaimed film Roma. It is one of those slow, methodical, detail oriented, art house types of film that speaks to me more than it does to my husband. When we went to bed last night, I couldn’t decide whether I liked it or not (my husband clearly decided that he did NOT like it), but I could not stop thinking about it. This morning I decided that I liked the movie and I still could not stop thinking about it. I would say that it was the deeper, more artistic, more “left for interpretation”, Mexican version of the movie, The Help.
What I took from the movie is that no matter how you define your relationships with the other people in your life, you cannot help but forge a deeper connection that goes beyond the definition of what that relationship is supposed to be. Roma depicts a year in the life of a privileged Mexican family in the 1970s, from the viewpoint of their devoted nanny. The family’s nanny, Cleo, has to balance taking care of every practical and emotional aspect of the various family members during a particularly difficult time in the family’s collective lives, and yet she still tries to find time to nurture and to deal with her own life’s happenings and sorrows. This movie reminded me of instances like when you are a kid, and you are utterly shocked to see your teacher in the grocery store. Or even when you are older and you are devastated to hear that a trusted leader or clergy member or even a friend or family member, is not that superhuman that you had built them up in your mind to be. Sometimes we all fall into the egocentric state of mind that everything and everyone in our lives, revolves around us. We forget that other people’s lives and problems and ways of seeing and dealing with instances, are every bit as complicated and difficult to navigate, as our own. And depending on their “starting point”, sometimes even more complicated and difficult than we can even comprehend.
sonder n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk. The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” ― George Bernard Shaw
We watched Bohemian Rhapsody last night. Bohemian Rhapsody is the well-regarded movie about the band Queen and most specifically, about its lead singer, Freddie Mercury. Freddie Mercury wrote the lyrics to the song “Bohemian Rhapsody” but he never revealed what the song lyrics meant and the band stood by him on that, as much as people like to guess and surmise about what the lyrics mean. Many people thought that the song was about Mercury coming out as a gay man. Others thought that it was about Mercury leaving his homeland of Zanzibar when he was a young man. This is what Freddie Mercury himself said about the song “Bohemian Rhapsody”: “I think people should just listen to it, think about it, and then make up their own minds as to what it says to them.”
Whether we realize it or not, we do what Freddie said, with all forms of music, art, dance, and even most communication. We bring our own mindsets, past experiences and moods to everything and everyone we encounter, and we create a layered story about what we are seeing, hearing and encountering, that has a lot more to do about us, than the object or person we are communing with. When I was in college, one of my roommates broke up with her boyfriend. She played Bonnie Raitt’s “I Can’t Make You Love Me, If You Don’t”, over and over, ad nauseum. The song became about her own love story and playing it over and over again, is what helped to soothe her and to heal her pain. For me, it became an annoying, whiny chant that I couldn’t get out of my head. I remember my own teenage summer vacation relationships, where we would end up writing letters to each other from afar. While I was still feeling the waves of a summer crush, I read those letters like they were great sonnets of overwhelming love, tragically unfulfilled by the cruel fate of distance and youth. When I was older and found some of these letters in a mementos box, my detached view saw nothing more than, “Hey, how are you? Summer was fun.” I had a hard time even picturing the person with whom I had exchanged letters.
Nowadays, with so much of our communication being in the form of texts (full of abbreviations) and email, it seems so much meaning gets misconstrued. I find myself needing to take pause and to separate my emotions before I react to any and all, correspondence coming my way. When I understand that all forms of art and conversation are every bit as much about me and my state of being, as it is about the artist and the conveyor of information, I can see the bigger picture and a fuller, more empathetic, compassionate and passionate understanding takes place.
“We’re all islands shouting lies to each other across seas of misunderstanding.” ― Rudyard Kipling
“As soon as we start putting our thoughts into words and sentences everything gets distorted, language is just no damn good—I use it because I have to, but I don’t put any trust in it. We never understand each other.” ― Marcel Duchamp
Hi friends!! Happy Friday!!! Yay!!! Yay!!! This blog celebrates Fridays in a light and happy way by celebrating three of my favorite things, ideas, tips, websites, songs, etc., on my favorite day of the week, Friday. Please check out previous Friday posts for other good ideas, and as always, I welcome your ideas and suggestions, in the Comments section.
Today, I am doing a tropical themed Friday. I grew up in Pittsburgh. I know how long and brutal northern winters can get. They are beautiful and cozy, too, I know, but sometimes you just need a break from the cold. My three favorite suggestions today will make you feel like you are on a Caribbean vacation without having to leave the house or spend thousands of dollars. Here we go:
Estee Lauder Bronze Goddess perfume and Escada Agua Del Sol perfume – If you spray either of these scents and close your eyes, you are at the beach. These scents are the essence of tropical vacations all in a little bottle. You can only get Bronze Goddess at certain times of the year at the Estee counter, but that’s okay. That is what eBay is for, right? If you are a perfume hound like me, remember that many times you can buy samples of scents that you would like to try from sellers on eBay at a fraction of the cost of a full bottle. However, these two scents are so wonderful, I recommend a full bottle purchase.
Steel Drum Island Collection CDs – Okay, close your eyes, spray one of the above mentioned scents and listen to one of these awesome, fun CDs and I assure you, you will be transported to an island or the deck of a cruise ship. I like to drive around with my car’s convertible top down, playing these CDs, especially when I pick up friends and family at the airport. Talk about setting the mood! Don’t worry, be happy! That’s what steel drums convey. I like their Volume 1 the best, but they are all good. They may have a digital form, but I still have an old fashioned CD player in my car, so they’re my jam. You can find more information at SteelDrumIsland’s website.
B.B.C. drink – There is a really cool story behind this one and by now, you know that I love stories, so read carefully before I give you the recipe. My husband and I honeymooned almost 25 years ago on the beautiful island of St. Martin/St. Maarten. We were married in October of 1994. When I decided to do a tropical theme for Favorite Things Friday, I went to my special drawer yesterday (we all have a special drawer, right?) and I found what I was searching for – a coaster. This coaster is a cardboard resort coaster, on which our favorite server wrote the recipe for our favorite honeymoon tropical drink. We have kept this coaster for all of these years, and it has made all of our moves. The resort that we stayed in was on the French side of the island and it was absolutely fabulous. The coaster jogged my memory and I decided to look up the resort yesterday, even considering a romantic revisit. It turns out that, sadly, the resort named La Belle Creole was destroyed by Hurricane Luis in 1995 and was never rebuilt. It is now in ruins and is laden by folklore and ghost stories. I told my husband that we broke the mold and I even suggested that maybe we are just ghosts! Anyway, this drink was created before Starbucks took hold. I would say that this drink tastes like a tropical, alcoholic version of a Starbucks iced coffee. Here is the recipe: 1/2 ounces fresh bananas, 2 oz Baileys Irish Creme, 1 oz Coco Lopez (canned coconut product). Blend with crushed ice in a blender. Yummy!!!
Okay, close your eyes, smell the islands, hear the islands, taste the islands! You are welcome!!! Happy Friday, my friends!!
“One of these days I am going to go on vacation and “forget” to come back.” -Margaritaville
Happy Valentine’s Day, friends and readers! I love you. I love your support. I love your validation. I love waking up and being excited to write for me . . . and for you. I love the connection that we have with each other. I love exploring life this way, with you, my friends. I love aging together and laughing together about all the frills and the follies, of it all. On this Valentine’s Day, know that you are loved. I love you.
When I was a little kid in the 1970s, I loved looking in the newspaper for the one cartoon that was always set off by itself. It featured two little nudies and it’s title was Love is . . . . Here are a few quotes from that cartoon, that I found today when I looked up the cartoon history.
Love is what you fill your home with.
Love is the way to grow.
Love is the past, the present and the future.
Love is all around us. I hate when Valentine’s Day makes people feel sad or bad, because love is NOT exclusive. Love is what is making this whole planet turn on its axis. By definition, Creation is Love and we are Creation, therefore we are Love. This is a day to celebrate what and who we are when you strip away all of the non-essential stuff. We are love. Inclusive. No pressure or expectations. Unconditional. We are love.
Today, I hope that the love in all of our hearts swells with a peace and a happiness that feels like it is going to burst. I hope that we notice that very burst of love in babies’ eyes, dogs’ wagging tails, delicious food, warm coffee, kindly people opening our doors or letting us cut in a high traffic lane. I hope we experience that burst of love in the anticipatory smile of a young man or the shiny eyes of an old man, carrying a bouquet of flowers. I hope that we glean that love when we gaze at the flowers that once bloomed on a beautiful plant that helps us to breathe. I hope that we feel love when a cat rubs against our legs or some beautiful birds take some time at the feeders that we put out in our yards and maintain. I hope that the burst of love is felt when we take extra time in the shower or allow ourselves to rest when our bodies ask for that all-important extra touch of self-care and self-love.
In the end there is no real definition of love. Love is everywhere, for everyone, about everyone. Really, on Valentine’s Day especially, let’s take notice:
“She was not fragile like a flower, she was fragile like a bomb.” – Entity
I have four almost adult children. The first three are men and they are wonderful. My baby is my daughter and she is wonderful. It is an interesting time in history to be loving and molding and shaping both sexes. Yesterday the focus was on my daughter.
My daughter had her first high school tennis tournament yesterday. She is a freshman and she was ranked number one player for the Girls Team yesterday. She won her match. To say that I am proud of her and in awe of her, is an understatement. I’m a book nerd. My hand/eye coordination could easily be put under the category of clumsy. Her grace and strong athleticism is something that I can only marvel at and beam about. What I liked about her victory yesterday is that it wasn’t an angry, hostile, out to “show the world” triumph. If anything, it was a personal victory for her. She was able to rise above her nerves, her fears, her feelings of intimidation, to do her best, to be her best and to show up and win.
So many of today’s competitions seem to have such an angry component. I know that we still have a lot to overcome as women, as society in general, but still I love being a woman. I love the men in my life. I want my daughter to feel the same way. I want her to experience her victories in life as celebrations of her hard work and achievements, not as superior conquests born only out of anger and frustration. I suppose I have to ponder on what steps I can take now, as a woman, to help create the nurturing support system and cooperative atmosphere that I want my daughter to experience in her life. And then, as a woman, I suppose I have to ponder what steps I can take to help create that same kind of environment for my sons.
“The world needs strong women. Women who will lift and build others, who will love and be loved. Women who live bravely, both tender and fierce. Women of indomitable will.” – Amy Tenney
“My crown is called content, a crown that seldom kings enjoy.” – William Shakespeare
This is such an unusual time in life – a time when the “usual” is soon to be going by the wayside. My husband and I talked to our eldest son last night and he is considering offers within his company, in all different cities. His world is expanding significantly. I signed our youngest child up for Driver’s Education. Once a child gets their license to drive, drifting away from the nest becomes inevitable. I know, I’ve experienced this three times before. Our next to youngest child just committed to his college of choice for the fall. Our second son plans to stay at his university this summer, to continue earning credits and grades that will help him to enter into medical school. In short, my job of “corralling the kiddos” is soon to be going completely by the wayside. My husband and I have made our primary focus to be on the joint efforts of raising our family for almost 23 years now. The funny thing is that now, what seems to be all of the sudden, space is opening up for us, to take all of our lives, in all different directions.
My husband and I opted to do some updates and renovations on our current home, but we do it with some hesitation and reservation. Is this where we plan to live for a while? Our housing choices have always been made within the narrow confines of the areas that connected good public schools with a reasonable commute to my husband’s work. When your confines are removed, the choices almost become overwhelming.
To be honest, I’m having a really hard time figuring out what I want to do next, in so many aspects. I have been meditating on the next stage, my second half of adulting for a while now, and no real clear-cut answers are appearing. I’ve heard that when you don’t know what you want, doing nothing is a choice and often, doing nothing is a good option for the time being. I suspect being uncomfortable with the choice of doing nothing and making no real changes, feels uncomfortable for a lot of us. From little on, we are taught to strive, to achieve, to work towards our goals and to accomplish them. But, what if you are unsure of your goals? What if you don’t know what to strive for?
I got to thinking that not knowing what your goals are, may mean that you are content. “Content” often feels like a bad word, especially to us Americans. Society seems to tell us that you should always be aspiring to accomplish new heights, yet all of the best selling self-help books and podcasts on the market, seems to be aimed at helping people to find inner peace and calm, acceptance and contentedness with “what is.” Even Shakespeare knew that contentedness (an inside job) was so hard to achieve that even the wealthiest, most fortunate and powerful people of the times, the kings, often could not achieve contentedness.
When I was contemplating my new found “freedom” opening up to me in the very near future, a thought popped into my head. It was so strong that I had to write it down. This is what I wrote:
“Maybe I don’t know what I want because what I want, is what I have . . .”
Perhaps what I wrote is the definition of contentedness. According to Shakespeare, contentedness is the elusive treasure of kings. Perhaps the answer is to bask in that feeling of contentedness for a while. When the next big move is meant to happen for me, I’ll know what to do. In the meantime, I’ll just be content to be content.
“Now and then it’s good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.” – coolnsmart.com
“I’ve been driven all of my life by a spirit of adventure and a criminal level of optimism.” – Quincy Jones
I just read the above quote this morning and it made me smile with recognition. I didn’t think it described me exactly, although I do consider myself to be a mostly optimistic person. It reminded me of a person I worked for and befriended, a few years ago. This person is a very enthusiastic person who is always teeming with new ideas. She is unbridled with an almost child-like belief that whatever she sets her mind to, she can get and frankly, she usually does. She is almost 60- years-old.
When I was still working for her, in a position that ended up evolving into being like an assistant/cheerleader/sounding board, she would often come into the office with a new idea or direction that she would be taking her life into next, and I would dutifully listen, usually stifling my concerns and/or what I considered to be, my practical skepticism and realism. I first started with the stifling because she was my boss and she’s the one who gave me my paycheck, but then, I continued reserving my concerns, because honestly, she constantly proved them to be wrong. In short, I became a believer in the very potent power of her enthusiasm and optimism. The most hare-brained ideas (in my mind) ended up happening for her, anywhere from negotiating fabulous vacation rentals down to hardly any expense, to eventually creating an intricate app for our phones, that serves as hope for other people. Keep in mind that both of us were so tech-illiterate when we worked in an office together, that we took hours trying to figure out how to scan something on her new printer. This woman, then in her mid-fifties, soon after, created an app and a huge website that touches people’s lives, all because of a dream that she had on Christmas Day. She felt the divine need and calling to fulfill that dream and nothing would stop her.
Sometimes people come into your life and they help you to reflect on your own sense of self. Compared to my boss, I realized I wasn’t nearly as optimistic and filled with innocent enthusiasm, as I liked to think that I was, in my life. In fact, in some ways, I was sometimes downtrodden and victim-like, in my thinking. That was shockingly, eye-opening for me. Sometimes I would feel smug in my intellectualism and my “sanity”, when trying to keep my boss/friend’s expectations firmly on the ground. But somehow, it never failed, that her hope and persistent optimism would lift both sets of our feet off of the ground and into the skies, when another one of her visions would manifest itself into reality.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be as optimistic as my boss/friend/example of hope. But because of her example, I’m more convinced of the very strong power of positive thinking, against all odds. Optimism, left unchecked, is probably what has evolved every dream ever had, into the beautiful manifestation of all of the good things that we enjoy in our lives, this very day.
“Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.” – Helen Keller
“I believe any success in life is made by going into an area with a blind, furious optimism.” – Sylvester Stallone
“Some days nothing beats a really good drive.” – Pure Muskoka on Twitter
“Sometimes, the best therapy is a long drive and music.” -lessonslearnedinlife.com
Yesterday, I got the itch to drive. I implored my husband and my daughter to be my companions and we drove around for several hours, listening to music, and watching the people and the new construction happening all the way down a long beach road not too far from our home. We only made a couple of stops, one for some pizza, in a fun, laid back beach town, and one stop at my daughter’s favorite, The Candy Kitchen. The Candy Kitchen is a small local chain that dots the Beach Road. It is one of those old fashioned penny candy type stores that carries all of the “oldies but goodies” plus delicious ice cream. My daughter got those wax bottles filled with sugary juice and I got some Smoothies which are the butterscotch equivalents of Reese’s peanut butter cups. My husband stayed in his comfort zone with chocolate covered gummy bears.
Yesterday was a good day. A good, long drive with people whom I love to hang out with and to experience life with, and a candy store that makes nostalgia a delicious experience – it’s just what soothed the soul!
“Life is a journey. Not a destination.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“The beautiful thing about learning is that no one can take it away from you. ” – B.B. King
Our youngest son found out that he got into his college of choice, yesterday. He’ll be attending the same large university that his brothers before him have attended. His brothers have enjoyed their experiences there and grown up and out, in so many remarkable ways. I excitedly anticipate the same for him.
It’s a story for another time, but I really thought that my youngest son was going to be our last baby. That was before we were blessed with our beautiful daughter. I savored my third son’s babyhood because of that reason. I remember rocking him and gazing at him, even more than my other children, mostly because in my mind, he was going to be the last that I experienced all of the baby milestones. I can still picture his little head and hands, as I rocked him to sleep.
My youngest son is my only blue-eyed child. I have brown eyes and my husband has green eyes. Our other three children have brown eyes. Being the third son and always looking up to, and feeling like he had to keep up with his older brothers, I looked for ways to make him feel extra-special and unique. I always made a big fuss of his blue eyes, calling him my “Blue-eyed Baby.” I guess that I took it too far because when he was about four or five years old, he said to me, “I think you are right, Mom. Blue-eyed people are better.” I had to backtrack on that, so I focused on this little birth mark that he has on the back of his dark hair. It is a spot on his hair that is white, looking like it has been intentionally bleached. I’ve always called it his “Angel Kiss.” I told him that the mark on his hair is where the angels kissed him before they gave him to me. I hope that the kissing guardian angels remain all around him when he leaves home to go to college. I want to know that my blue-eyed baby will always be protected no matter how far he roams from home.
“College is a refuge from hasty judgment.” – Robert Frost
