Month: January 2019

Take the Next Step

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

The above has always been one of my favorite Martin Luther King, Jr. quotes. Honestly, it has always been one of my all-time favorite quotes, all together. There are so, so many times in life when we have had to take that first step, leading to a lot of unknowns. When we left home for a school of our choosing, our relationships we have nurtured including our friendships and marriages, each time we decided to have a child, the jobs and career decisions, where we have moved and lived, the list goes on and on – all becoming the steps, in our own individual Life’s staircase. The truth of the matter is, that we don’t see the whole staircase, ever. We surmise what is coming up as we ascend the steps of our lives, but we really don’t fully know or understand, what lies ahead. There may be obstacles on a step ahead that can cause us to trip, fall and to get hurt. There may be a gorgeous, large, landing on the next step, where we can rest and relish how far that we have come. We can make educated guesses about our next steps in life, but in the end, we do all of our ascension, in Faith. Faith takes us up the ladder of our lives and most of the time, we don’t even realize it. Faith is a strong force inside each of us that allows us to trust ourselves and to trust forces greater than ourselves, to know deep down, that whatever is ahead of us, as we climb the stairways of our lives, we will be able to handle it all, and we will grow. Knowing this, we can anticipate the next steps with hopeful anticipation and wonder, while holding on to the handrail of our Faith.

Mildly Interested Parenting

“Instant availability without continuous presence is probably the best role a mother can play.” – Professor Lotte Bailyn

Reflecting on motherhood, the above quote really resonates with me. Our generation has often been accused of “helicopter parenting”, perhaps too many times circling around our children, with a tight and noisy presence that was hard for them to shake. Sometimes I kept my circling pattern too tight. Reflecting back, the times that I was in that tight pattern, it really was more about my fears and worries and trying to keep control, than really about what my children needed.

As my children got older, especially my sons, I noticed an inverse relationship to my rapt attention to them. The more interested and engaged I appeared in their lives and doings, the more they pulled back into themselves and into their shells, like tentative turtles. I found that a mild, nonchalant, bemused state of engagement, often got me better results in really hearing about the intricate details about what was really going on in their lives and minds, then a full-on engagement and uninterrupted enthrallment. Listening to their banter as I washed the dishes or paid some bills, barely glancing at my chatty children, was a much more likely scenario to glean golden gems of insight into my children’s psyches than wide-eyed questioning, face-to-face, in hard back chairs.

There is always that teeny bit of gratitude and relief when one of your adult children calls you from college or a lonely hotel room at a work conference, and in whatever subtle way, is asking for your advice and comfort. “Oh, they still need me,” is the joyous, excited thought that sends a warm glow from your heart to the rest of your body, as you prepare to listen and hear and convey your love. And then, at the same time, you quickly realize that you must try to temper your eagerness, to find a balanced, calm approach that will keep your grown children, open and trusting and connected to you.

“We have to bide our time and look for the moment of weakness when we can sneak back into their lives and they will see us and remember us for the people who love them unconditionally.” – Lisa See, novelist

Slinging Some Slang

Did you know that it is “Cuffing Season”? Do you know what that means? Lately, whenever I am reading periodicals or articles or horoscopes or gossip etc., I have to look terminology up. I’ve always had a pretty good vocabulary, so rarely do I have to go to the Merriam Webster Dictionary site, but more and more often, I end up at the Urban Dictionary site. I feel so relieved to have so many resources available to me, at the click of a button, so I can keep up a “semi-hip” persona.

In case you didn’t already head to the Urban Dictionary, “cuffing season” refers to the phenomenon that points to people who typically like to play the dating field, all of the sudden, would rather be tied down with someone. Apparently, this is mostly due to the cold weather. Cuffing season only occurs during the winter months. I think that it just as well that neither my husband or myself knew anything about cuffing season. Our particular cuffing season is going on for more than 28 years.

“I’m the know-nothing. I’m curious, I try to be entertaining, I try to translate the techno jargon, but in the end I’m the audience’s representative.” – David Pogue

“All slang is metaphor, and all metaphor is poetry.” – Gilbert K. Chesterton

Old Is The New Young

Okay, readers, this sweater is going to be part of my look today. Anyone who knows me well, knows that this is not really my style and my daughter has made it very clear that she does not at all approve of it, but sometimes you need to break out of your shell – especially on Friday!!

“Old is the New Young” – Cloud Nine Redback Cards

Yesterday was Betty White’s 97th birthday. Apparently, she scared a gazillion of her fans by the fact that her birthday was making her “trend” on the internet. People feared the worst, as we often do. The memes that were made, showing sighs of relief, were copious and adorable! Betty White has amazing, positive, fun energy! Her loss certainly would be a heart breaker for so many. I got to thinking that if I am fortunate enough to live as long as Betty White has lived, I will get a whole other lifetime, in the amount that I have already lived, and some change. This Second Half of Adulting, truly is, a whole second half, but with the benefits of the wisdom that comes from a whole lot of experience and resilience. Live on and prosper, Readers!!!

New readers, on Fridays, I keep it light and discuss three favorite things, songs, Twitter feeds, movies, etc. that make life just a little more special. Please check out previous Friday postings for other favorite things and please, please feel free to post your favorites in my Comments section.

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel – This TV series made by Amazon video is quickly becoming a new favorite of mine and I just got the recommendation to watch it, from my friends, this week! It is hilarious, interesting, “real” and fun to watch! This show might make staying in on Friday night, sound very tempting!! I highly recommend it.

Meditations for Living in Balance – This is another wonderful meditation book by Anne Wilson Schaef. I have already recommended her Meditations for People Who Worry book because it is fabulous. I now read both of these meditation books aloud to my husband and myself every single morning. Ms. Schaef is a wonderful, wise, woman and a crafty wordsmith. The daily meditations are short and yet profound. She makes me think and yet relax, every day.

Slow Feeder Dog Bowls by Outward Hound – In December, we adopted a 7-month-old collie puppy (our wonderful Josie) into our family. Josie grew up on a farm with a lot of other dogs and apparently, feeding time got competitive. Josie eats faster than any other being I have ever met in my lifetime (even beating out one of my best friends, a teeny redhead, who always won the Vienna sausage eating contest for our sorority, who even beat out all of the fraternities, at our college’s annual Greek Games). She would eat so fast that she would end up throwing up and also, she was as risk for getting bloat. (I’m back to talking about our puppy, Josie.) These dog feeders are amazing. They look like elevated relief maps or puzzles and the food falls into their grooves, forcing dogs to slow their eating pace. Josie still is a dynamo when it comes to scarfing up every morsel of her food in record times, but these bowls have definitely slowed her pace down and she no longer throws up after eating.

Have a great weekend, readers!! See you tomorrow!

“It’s always difficult to keep Fridays confined within themselves . . . they tend to spill over.” – Kai Sinclair

The Joy of Friendship

“The ability to sit down with another person and talk for hours, about anything and everything, is more attractive to me than anything else.” – Koi Fresco

Last night I had a lovely dinner with three of my most intimate girlfriends and a friend of a friend, who fit right in, with our crazy crew! We had such a good time. It was one of those dinners that you wish didn’t have to end and we lingered and laughed until our server finally prodded us along to go home and get some sleep, so she could, too.

Today I am having lunch with one of my dearest friends who I have known since my first days in college, when we were both eighteen years old. I am sure that this will be a several hours long lunch and I can’t wait! We will catch each other up on the events going on with our families, our mutual friends, and we will bask in our familiarity and fondness for each other and the treasure of our shared history.

The older I get, the more I treasure my friendships. I don’t take them for granted. I’m a person who likes a lot of alone time. Sometimes I may even have the tendency to isolate myself a little too much. My friends make sure that I don’t keep my flower bud too tight. They force me to open up, loosen up and bloom a little more. I’m so grateful for them and for that gift that they give to me. It feels so good to relax and to unwind, in the warm, accepting sunshine-y glow of people who know all about you and love you anyway.

“In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.” – Khalil Gibran

“One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood.” – Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Warning: Faulty Filter

“I don’t like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else about what comes out of my mouth.” – Rebel Circus

Apparently, as we age, a lot of us lose our filters. That doesn’t bode well for me, as I have never had a great filter to begin with. Judging by the amount of times I get the wide-eyed, aghast, exclamation “MOM!”, coming from my teenage kids, my filter could use some fine-tuning.

“There’s a fine line between having ‘no filter’ and ‘just being an asshole’.” -viralrang.com

I find the whole “filter thing” difficult to navigate. The older that I get, the less tolerance I have for “fake.” I value truth and authenticity in my relationships to the highest order. I like people who “say it like it is”, because even if I don’t agree with them, they are trustworthy. I know where they stand. There is no wishy-washy, behind the scenes fakery. Still, people’s feelings must be taken into account. I guess it all comes down to doing what we were taught as children: Think before you speak. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Be kind. And if all else fails, just rationalize:

“I’m not rude. I just speak what everyone else hasn’t the balls to say.” – She Was Born With No Filter, Pinterest

Time Stoppers

Over the weekend, my husband and I took our dogs to the beach for a long walk. The beach is the ultimate idea of Heaven for our labrador retriever, Ralphie. Everything that typically distracts Ralphie, which is usually mostly everything – kids, dogs, strollers, bikes, smells, animal waste, every pole and lamppost, any random piece of litter, etc., no longer distracts him when we are there. He is single-minded. Ralphie’s goal is for my husband to throw the ball as far out into the water as he can and for Ralphie to retrieve that said ball, endlessly. People stop their cars to watch Ralphie go out into the Gulf with only the tip of his pinkish-brown nose poking up through the water in the far distance, swimming out, purposefully and decidedly, to get the ball – an object he typically, otherwise, cares very little about.

I get such vicarious joy watching Ralphie work his passion. I suspect others do, too, when they pause to watch him swim out into the horizon. When we watch any living being, so in-step with the moment, so single-minded in his or her purpose, so full of determination and joy, time stops. When we watch someone or something, caught up in a fervency that is so innate to them that it is almost instinctual, we are all reminded of the things that make us feverish for life and for all of us, that is something different. Whether it be cooking, reading, flying, running, writing, singing, fishing, gardening, driving, sewing, painting, debating, hiking, working on puzzles, working on cars, meditating, golfing, skiing, etc. etc., we all have “that thing” – “that thing” that makes us agitated to still have to any other distractions . . . even hunger, even breathing. In a world so full of interruptions, cheap and easy diversions, responsibilities, and duties and routine, it is good to be reminded of those world-stopping moments, intimate only to our own connection with our deepest longings; our connection to the realest part of our souls. What are your passions? What activities make the world stop for you? What do you do to connect to that part of yourself on a daily basis? What moments are you “in your element”? These are all good questions to ponder at the beginning of the year to make sure that we are not cheating ourselves out of what is vital to us. These are the things that give our lives, Life.

Top Shelf

At this time of year, I am not immune to all of the insanely good clearance markdown sales. It always such a battle in my mind between, “Do I really need this, or is just going to add to the crazy clutter of my already overstuffed closet?” versus “Holy cow, when am I ever again going to get to purchase cashmere/leather/designer/multi-stoned at these unbelievably remarkable, marked-down prices?” (maybe after next Christmas, but that is beside the point. Ha!) It reminds me of when Jim Gaffigan, the comedian, talks about fast food deals: “I’m not going to lose money by not taking this deal.” Makes sense to me. 😉

At this time of year, it’s also a good idea to check our own price tags. I wrote this quote down a while ago. It’s a good one:

“If you aren’t being treated with love and respect, check your own price tag. Maybe you’ve marked yourself down. It’s you who tells people what you’re worth. Get off of the clearance rack and get behind the glass where they keep the valuables.” – Relationship Rules

This year, readers, let’s all be Louis Vuitton. Let’s treat ourselves with respect and reverence so that others can follow suit. Let’s not discount our worth. After all, we are “one-of-a-kinds”. The mold has already been broken. There is nothing more rare or valuable than a “one-of-a-kind.” When we understand this about ourselves, we inherently understand that about all of the other “one-of-a-kinds” walking around this top shelf of “Le Earth” with us. A year of elevated love and respect sounds wonderful, doesn’t it? There is no sale on our souls because “priceless” never goes on sale.

Stay As Long As You Can

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist. That is all.” – Oscar Wilde

I read this quote the other day and it made me feel quite sad. I hope Oscar has it wrong. I remember being in my first real professional job out of college and a female manager told me, “The role of the woman in the 1990s is to cope, just cope.”

Everything in my body recoiled at that statement. I remember thinking, “No way. I’m not going to “just cope.” There’s a hell of a lot more to life than coping. I plan to thrive.”

Now, there have been dark times in my life when I have been brought to my knees and it took every breath in my body, to just cope or exist in that moment. I imagine that there are those moments for everybody. But those are just moments. Those moments pass because there is something stronger and deeper in each of us that innately understands that existing is not enough. Life is meant to be fully explored, exploited and turned inside out until every morsel of being-ness has been not just tasted, but devoured and digested until we are satiated with the full feeling of satisfaction, gratification and joy. It is our responsibility to realize this. We have a choice. We can just exist. According to Oscar Wilde and my old boss, that’s what most of us do. But we have all of the tools inside of us to thrive and radiate and prosper and flourish, if we choose to open the floodgates of life, teeming inside of us, aching to expand.

“Life is amazing; live it to the fullest. Stay as long as you can.” – Valerie Harper

Not So Hot

I hate the “bait and switch” game. The other day I went to a food market that I don’t usually go to and I purchased a container of Hot Curry Peanuts. “Hot” was written in a fiery red font with flames surrounding the word, serving as both a warning and an enticement to those like me, who love spicy food. I excitedly put the first couple peanuts in my mouth with the delicious anticipation of wondering just how “hot” these peanuts were going to be. I was hoping that they were right at the level to clear out my sinuses, but not too hot to burn my tongue. I was almost giddy in my excitement of possibly landing on a new favorite snack. So, when I took my first bite, unfortunately all that I could taste at first was a little bit of sugar and curry and of course, the familiar taste of peanuts. I thought, maybe it’s like those gobstoppers my kids used to get that started out sweet but then on a dime, turned to such bitter taste of sour that their cheeks would suck in and saliva would start flowing out of their mouths mixed with the color of the candy. But nothing changed. I thought, “Wow, maybe I just didn’t get peanuts with enough coating on them.” So, I put a handful more of the peanuts in my mouth and waited. Nothing. Nada. More of the same. False advertising.

Another time that this happens frequently to me is when I get sucked in by movie trailers. The trailer is so funny, I anticipate a night of trying to contain myself in my theater seat from laughing so hard, only to leave the theater, bawling, with my eyeliner streaking down my cheeks, because I just witnessed the saddest, most heart-wrenching movie of my life. It could even be a good, sad movie, but that is not what I paid for when I witnessed the trailer! I wanted lightness! I wanted to laugh until my sides hurt! Unfortunately, in those circumstances, the only funny scenes in the whole movie were shown in the two minute trailer. No warning was included to bring a box of tissues.

Don’t get me started on advertised sales. You see the giant, glowing orange “75% off!!” sign in the store window. It is not until you have parked the car and ran to the front of the store to go inside that you notice the other part of the sign. The tiny, barely legible letters “up to” dancing on top of the “75”.

If we really want to get dark about the misleading things in life, consider this quote by John Maynard Keynes, the famous British economist:

“Long run is a misleading guide to current affairs. In the long run we are all dead.”

Yikes! I never knew that I could get this sour over a silly little box of peanuts. I guess I’ve mislead myself that I am a more “happy-go-lucky” person than I really am. It’s just that I am a big proponent of the “under-promise/over-deliver” philosophy of business and life.

“Emotions can certainly be misleading: they can fool you into believing stuff that is definitely, demonstrably untrue.” – Francis Spufford